


A Flower Found

by Hizumzum



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, F/F, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 11:14:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 38,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14377476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hizumzum/pseuds/Hizumzum
Summary: The Mamamoo AU in 2021 where they all retired. Yongsun’s a trainee instructor. Wheein is a voice actress. Hyejin is a bar/restaurant owner. Moonbyul has disappeared.Three years after retiring in 2018 Wheein and Hyejin get together in Japan dragging Solar with them. Finding out about their two unnies secret relationship and eventaul breal up the tw conspire to bring them back together.





	1. Chapter 1

Your Warmth Is A Ghost

 

Yongsun bent over the flowers, removing her mask to smell the flowers. The scent of the lilacs, freesia, violets and roses engulfed her sense of smell. Behind her, Byulyi looked over the selections carefully, she had asked her girlfriend to come out this morning to help pick out flowers for her house, since her parents and older sister were coming to visit her for dinner that night.

It was the first day of May, the sun beat down on Seoul and its inhabitants baked under the sun's heat, it was a well welcome reprieve since it had been raining for three days straight. Byul regretting to have worn her dark blue parka, was observing the shops flowers as seemed to spread open to take in the sunlight. She scanned the wide variety of flora. Her eyes landing on a gray cardigan hunched over gardenias. A grin tugging the edges of her lips seeing a messy bun and perfect ass.

"Hmm.. Magnolias are too overpowering, and peonies aren't really my thing..." The older had a carefree smile on her face as she mumbled incoherently.

"Maybe daisies...?" She laughed, her voice was bright and cheerful, music to Byul’s ears. Unconsciously wanting to get closer to her. “I think I'm gonna go with the daisies..."

The blonde poked at the carrot. "What do you think? Which colors should I get?"

“Well I like the daisies, maybe get some white chrysanthemums, some of these Scorpion Grass too…” Byul straightened up looking around the the shop. “Those pink roses look nice too, and I think some hydrangeas of lighter colors, like a pastel shade. They would be beautiful.” She announced thoughtfully loud enough for the florist to hear. Her brows stayed knitted together for awhile longer s she tried to picture the flowers together.

"I thought you didn't like flowers? How do you know this much about flowers?" Yongsun’s jaw had dropped slightly, eyes filled with admiration.

Immediately seeing her shocked expression Byul smiled. That day she spent with the florist the last week was worth it, getting a reaction like this out of her girlfriend. But she wasn't about to admit it “I hate flower crowns not flowers in general,” Then tapped Yongsun under her chin with “Thack” sound from her tongue, and a wink to her girlfriend. “and your mouth a bee might fly in.”

The older rolled her eyes in mock annoyance, crossing her arms at the gesture. Trying to look annoyed at her greasyness but she knew she was failing, since a smile was tugging her lips. Thankfully the florist was busy arranging their order to notice the pink dusting her cheeks. “You didn't answer my second question. How do you know this much about flowers?” 

Byul hummed thoughtfully. Then leaned in closer to Yongsun to whisper her answer. “What will you give me in exchange Yongunnie? Information isn't cheap you know.” To maximize the effect, she pulled back slowly biting her lip while looking at the older one.

She felt her throat dry and her heart skip, but somehow she managed to save her tsundere image by hitting Byul “Yah! Don't say weird stuff like that!”

The taller one was chuckling defending herself, efficiently grabbing her wrists holding them above her head. With a look on her face, the look where she was usually planning to tickle her.

The older knew that disgusting look on Byul’s face. “Don't even think about it.”

“Think about what unnie?” An innocent pout.

A cough from the counter pulled them out of their world. “Uhm, Excuse me but your bouquet is done.” In front of the florist was a beautiful bouquet. The flowers complimented each other, the daisies and scorpion grass popped out, tying ever flower together giving them purpose and meaning in their positions. 

“Wow. This looks wonderful, you did a great job!” Yongsun exclaimed coming closer to the counter to have a better look.

Embarrassed by the sudden praise, the florist, blushed a little and stuttered. “N-No… well it... it was your friend’s flower choices that made it work this well.”

“Nonsense! I just picked the flowers, you arrange them in perfect order. Even better than how I pictured it in my head.” Byul gave a smile.

“Tha.. thank you very much for your kind compliments. I'm glad you like the arrangement.” The florist gave a shy smile. 

Byul thought the clerk's shy smile was cute. Getting Yongsun jealous was one things she loved to do, but getting killed there wasn't in her agenda, so instead she smiled even brighter. “How much for the bouquet?” she inquired taking out her wallet, while Yongsun was busy admiring the well arranged flowers getting lost in thought.

Did Byul ever buy flowers for anyone else aside from her family and me? She seems to know a lot about them more than she lets on. I thought she just ordered the prettiest ones that were on display or just got them online.

“Unnie?” Unnie..?” Byul snapped her fingers near her face.

“H-huh?” The blonde looked at the fingers still dazed.

“I said we have to go, we still have to cook for your parents and sister.” Byul chuckled, poking Yongsun on her cheek.

“Oh right, the flowers.” 

Right as she was going to open her purse Byul had grabbed her wrist effectively stopping her. Then the taller girl just shook her head smiling.

“I already paid for it unnie.” She said holding the flowers in her other hand while pulling her girlfriend out of the shop. 

She let herself get dragged, then matched her pace with Byul. “Let me pay you back then.”

The carrot let go of her wrist. “It's fine, just treat me lunch tomorrow and we'll call it even.”

“Alright.” She smiled, glancing a few times at her girlfriend during their walk. It was silent but it was comfortable.

The taller girl was itching to hold her girlfriend's hand, but they were in public, and Yongsun was really conscious about any public PDA’s, even back when they weren't dating. She just internally sighed and respected the older girls wishes. It's just sometimes she did want to scream to the world that Kim Yongsun was hers, and hers alone. Although the Korean community did shun these type of affairs, society was slowly opening their minds. She sighed internally again. Then decided to steal glances at the one who had stolen her heart. Everytime their eyes would meet the carrot smiled at her warmly, getting a soft smile in response.

Later that day, they were both on Yongsun’s couch watching it was a psychological thriller that Byul chose. It looked like the younger one was focused on the movie so, the blonde did the same, snuggling closer to the hamster then resting her head on her shoulder. To which the younger responded with lacing their fingers together and giving an affectionate kiss on her head, letting her long arms slither along her shoulder.

“Unnie?” 

A low voice pulled her eyes from watching Ariadne and the others simultaneously fall, “kick,” and wake up as they passed through the multiple levels of the dream, to meet Byul’s eyes. Beautiful brown eyes of hers that flickered from concern, sadness, then settled to conflict, but smiled.

Confused seeing her like this. She held her cheek with a soft voice she spoke. “What's wrong? Is it the movie?”

Still wearing her smile she shook her head and placed a hand over Yongsun’s, “It's just I've been thinking about his for awhile now.”

The older girl gave her a soft smile, to let her continue.

The taller girls eyes drops down to their interlaced fingers. “It's just that… well” A sigh, then silence. Sensing her ever growing conflict, the blonde squeezed her hand. Another sigh. “Our relationship. We've been hiding it all this time, for 3 years now, I just thought maybe it could be time to come out? We've retired now after all.. and, I'm tired of people asking me if I would like to meet a friend. And maybe we could start tonight, when your parents and sister come over.” 

Yongsun didn't expect this at all, she thought the relationship was fine enough as is. The soft sweet kisses behind closed doors where cameras weren't prying. Sure it was hard to not over do it in public, but they were happy. She was happy, he didn't want to ruin the rest of their lives with a scandal… but she couldn't deny the fact that she did love this girl so much that she wanted to flaunt to the world, “Hey! This is my girlfriend! I'm the luckiest person on Earth!”. But at what cost? Being shunned by the same country that adored them? Would they be able to still be together even with the stigma? Will they be able to make a living here? What about family? Will they be willing to accept this? Wheein and Hyejin, what would they say? So many scenarios were going through her head like a raging fire.

Byul was quiet, she didn't want to rush an answer, but the longer her girlfriend's silence went on. It created a pit inside her, that grew bigger and bigger with every tick that the seconds moved. Air seemed to stale with the lack of movement from the two. She swallowed, was it a bad idea to have asked her something on short notice, it wasn't an easy thing to do either. But it tore her apart every day how Yongsun was so distant in public, afraid of being judged. She was getting hyper aware. Her heartbeat pacing faster, her breath heavy, how the suns yellow-orange rays invaded the private space. She would have thought it was beautiful if not for the situation.

She was a little skeptical “I…” Yongsun breathed, Byul would have missed it if it weren't so deadly quiet. “I'm satisfied with our relationship, why do we have to do something that could jeopardize it?” No. No. No. That's not what she wanted to say. Take it back. Take it back Yongsun what are you doing?! A voice inside her yelled but she couldn't. Nothing left her mouth. 

If she had looked up into Byul’s eyes then she would have seen the look of betrayal and hurt, she could see how the insecurities she had been hiding all this time drown her. But she didn't. “I didn't say I wasn't satisfied, I just wanted to tell my parents and sister about you… let them rest at ease that I have someone who cares for me genuinely. I thought you would feel the same..” Her voice cracked. The insecurities stabbing at her heart, were also throwing buckets of water over her eyes, which she was trying so hard to stop.

The sound of Byul’s voice hit her with a wave of guilt. She couldn't take how it was constricting her heart. Her heart quickened and her mind raced faster than her thoughts could catch up. “I can't do it Byul.” What her mouth said was a shock to her. Guilt stabbed her in the chest and threatened to suffocate her. 

Detaching herself from the blonde she stood up and faced the older one hurt, sadness and betrayal showing in her features. Biting her lips that blood started to trickle down. “Can't? Or won't? Unnie.. it hurts, I thought you would at least have given it a try… if you would asked me I would have done it!” her voice was in a low shout. Cracking as she tried to express the pain and betrayal she felt. It was intense.

The older girl finally looked up to see Byul’s face. Tears were flowing down her beautiful features. The sun's orange rays gave her an almost ethereal vibe. She was gorgeous. Her eyes screamed suffering and hurt that bore into her own. She was out of words, and out of breathe. And oh how she wished that a kiss could fix this. 

“Byul I.. we should end this.”

“Wh-what?” her voice hitched, staring at Yongsun as if she suddenly turned into a pink elephant with a mane of a lion and a trunk as a dragon. It would have been cute, if not of the absurdity that left her mouth.

Kim Yongsun what the fuck are you saying!? Stop talking and think about the shit that's leaving your mouth. “We should break up.” She heard her voice say. It was detached, it wasn't her. It wasn't her. At the same time it was. Her mind was blank and her mouth had a mind of its own. Before she could say anything else Byul had turned around and started walking to the door, tears streaming down her face.

She blinked, her breaths unconsciously turning heavy. A weight suddenly stirred in my chest, she began laughing as the situation finally her hit like a bullet train.

It’s not that she doesn’t trust Byul. She just doesn’t trust herself. Her own judgement. She was worried that her feelings for her were clouding her vision, making her world go blurry. She was worried that she wasn't the perfect person for her, which she was. She was worried that everything has been a lie. But it wasn't not a lie, she was the person she trusts, that she’ll become comfortable as their relationship aged. She was skeptical, because of how much she loved her. She’s not the dependent type. She’s not much of the drama type either, the only reason that she freaks out is because she’s so in love with her. Because she’s so terrified of losing her. She doesn’t want to look like an idiot. Like one of those poor people that does everything for their significant other, thinking that their relationship roses. Living a lie until that person leaves them for someone better.

But she couldn't tell Byul anymore. Because just like that because she was skeptical, she ended the one good thing in her life.

Her eyes opened into a squint, to see where she was. She looked all around, only to find a whole area covered in black. A familiar window told her she was in her room. There was literally nothing around her, but light air that carried her body, nor a light and sadly, not even Byul. Only an endless abyss of nothingness remained.

 

“Same old dream.” She sighed.

After a long while of her eyes gliding aimlessly in a heavy silence, light started to pass thru her window blinds. The emptiness of her room reminded her that she was moving to a different apartment, closer to work. She sat up and hugged her knees tightly. Biting back her tears. Failing she buried her face into her arms. Self deprecating thoughts and guilt keeping her company.

Her phone rang, It was just an alarm she set. She ignored it until the ringing died down to flicker to a picture of her and Byul. Happy. Still together. Above their picture the time read 6:30 A.M September 19 2021.


	2. Under The Moon's Gaze

Solar, well actually she was Yongsun now, smiled finding MAMAMOO’s first ever album while packing her stuff. Who knew something so small would bring back so many memories. A feeling of warmth enveloped her as she reminisced on her fondest memories.

 

The stage, her heart pounding as fans chanted, the lights, the adrenaline pumping through her veins. Looking around her on stage with her were Hwasa, Wheein and Moonbyul.

 

Moonbyul.

 

“Moon Byulyi” She whispered in an odd reverence. How long had it been since they last talked? She smiled a little, bittersweet emotions starting to swell up in her chest. Recognizing another disc stored in its transparent case with no cover, “Moonsun Songs” it had hearts and a moon and sun scribbled all over, it also had stars sprinkled over the disks surface. Remembering those moments were so easy for her.

 

August 14 2016  
They had just finished a concert earlier and were relaxing in Solar’s sofa wearing a pink top and blue pajamas. Moonbyul was seated on the right side, wearing matching pajamas matched with oversized hoodie. Long slender arms around her shoulder keeping her close. While she nestled her face in the younger’s neck. 

 

Before the said concert it was the first time they had shared a tender kiss in the dressing room. She couldn't really help it with Moonbyul’s tender lips teasing her with a smile that made created undless butterflies in her stomach. Butterflies that threatened to explode if she didn't lean in and catch the younger’s lips into hers. The butterflies began to settle, but her mind was racing. Oh god. OH GOD. I’m kissing her. I’M KISSING BYUL. Before she could pull away and further fall into panic. Long slender arms wrapped around her waist and the younger kissed back.

 

For Solar it was like everything fell into place. Their first kiss short, sweet and it made her heart jump. Much to Moonbyul when i’s surprise it was the older who initiated it. After that was a string of whispers, confessions, blushes and shy glances. Solar, that undeniable connection and attraction she always had with Moonbyul clicked. And everything fell easily into place.

 

“Yongsun-unnie.” Moonbyul whispered softly.

 

“Hmm?” was what the older had managed, still tired from their performance. Her eyes still closed not bothering to look up from her warm pillow, instead wrapping her arms around the younger’s waist. “You smell like flowers..” she breathed out.

 

“If your tired, you can go rest in your room.” Her voice was low but soft, almost like she was talking to a 10 year old.

 

“Mmm..” was all she could manage as her mind went to darkness with warmth, the sounds of two hearts beating, and the sweet smell of Moonbyul, but before it could totally consume her she could feel shaking from her shoulder.

 

“nie..un” was what her tired brain could process. Until a sudden warmth in her ear sent a shockwave of warmth and tingles around her body.

 

“What?” she had moved back from Moonbyul, a little miffed she was denied passage to dreamland, with her palm covering her ear. Pink dusted her cheeks but tried to compensate by glaring at Moonbyul.

 

“Sorry, I have to pee” A grin complete with nose muscles looked at her holding a contained laugh as she stood up stretching a little before heading to the bathroom.

A few minutes pass and Solar could hear footsteps coming out from the bathroom, heading to the kitchen.

 

“Want some water?” The low voice called out.

 

“No, thanks.” She stifled a yawn, then laid down on the sofa.

 

A few a minutes passed and she couldn't hear anything aside from the TV. Then as if on cue a certain hamster slid from behind the sofa and hugged her from behind. Effectively making Solar the small spoon. They fell into comfortable silence for awhile until Moonbyul was the first to break it.

 

“We should make an album.” She whispered in her ear, A grin was prominent in her voice. It was low but soft, it sent shivers down the older’s spine. She loved how smooth Moonbyul was being. Not that she would admit it aloud.

 

“What kind of album?” Internally congratulating herself for her voice not shaking. Not wanting to show how just her touch and voice unravels her being.

 

“I mean just the two of us, something personal. Something we won't ever show anyone.” The younger one had Solar’s hand in hers and making circles in her palm with her thumb.

 

It was moments like this that the older one appreciated the most. Watching Moonbyul’s metamorphosis since they debuted was an honor. Her self confidence growing more and more, she even started singing suddenly and joined their dancing sessions at random along with Wheein and Hyejin. It made her proud. 

 

A poke to her cheek pulled the blonde out of her head. “What should we name our album?”

 

“MoonSun? It's what are fans named our ship, I think it's cute.” She smiled with her ever so endearing nose muscles.

 

“You're cute.” The older smirked.

 

“Not as cute as you're being unnie.” The taller girls smile grew even wider.

 

“Greasy.” She rolled her eyes. And huffed, a smile tugging her lips.

 

“What? You started it?” She chuckled hugging her tighter from behind planting a kiss behind her head. Feeling the older calm down in her arms, a mischievous smile and she started her tickling attack. Again denying Solar entrance to dreamland. 

Her sides hurt from laughing, her hair sticking to her forehead due to sweat but she wouldn't have had it in any other way.

 

Present  
Maybe it's because she missed her dearly, how her chest ached for her warmth. For her scent. Sometimes she would wake up night gripping the empty sheets beside her only to realize she wouldn't be there anymore. Maybe it's because it's been 2 years since she last heard anything about her. Or maybe it's the fact that it's been 3 years and she can't get over that handsome face, the genuine care, the sweetness.. that Byul had given and showered her with.

 

Shaking her head she placed the CD down letting out a sigh. How long was she going to sulk? Everything she finds that reminds her of her ex-girlfriend seemed to stall her packing, she wasn't exactly rushing but it did test her emotional fortitude. She did try her best to be happy after the break up she even tried dating again but they weren't..Byul. Sure they were nice and had given her attention, spoilt her even, it wasn't them really it was just.. they weren't her Moon Byulyi.

 

Checking her phone the screen lit and the date showed.  
November 18 2021 3:08 P.M. Wheein was coming back today from Japan, she had starting working for a company there as a voice actress, ever since they retired. “Studio Gibble?? Something like that.” 

 

Hyejin opened her own cafe in Seoul and was usually the barista in the morning. It was fairly cozy, an artistic place that had a secret bar in the basement. But for a secret bar there were way too many people at every night.

 

“Where did you go?” She looked out her window in a daze.

 

About a year after they retired Byul left Korea to collaborate with a rising star in the music industry.

Umbra, a mysterious youtuber, singer-songwriter, composer. They had never revealed their face even when she was signed under Sony Music Entertainment. She showed great talent in acoustic, soulful, ballads. 

 

When the said artist invited Byul to the States to collaborate with her along with her favorite artists like Iggy Azelea, Kanye West. Who was she to refuse? The album which featured Umbra’s written songs were a hit, since they released it in the fall of 2019. To say the collaboration was a hit would be an understatement. They won several awards with their album. Most of the songs staying in the top 20 songs for months.

 

Byul was doing great as, even posting choreography videos with Umbra while they were working together for the album , if it wasn't dancing they were singing duets. The younger had definitely gained much more confidence in her singing and started doing covers too. Yongsun had always listened to all of them, singing along. Guilt hit her everytime she thought about how great they harmonized together. Her notes complimented the younger’s low raspy voice and vice versa. 

 

The weird thing though was that after the official release of the album, Byul just disappeared. No public statement, No interviews, no fan meets, no concerts whatsoever. Umbra had just stated that Byul just wanted to take a break, to bond with her family. And that was that, eventually no one even bothered with looking for her anymore. All except Yongsun.

 

She does try, several times for that matter, sending her messages through any means possible. She even tried visiting her parents in their hometown only to find out that they all had moved to the U.S as well. She knew how much of a private person Byulyi was, but this was ridiculous. Not even Wheein or Hyejin or her other closest friends knew where she was. She was hoping to ask her sisters but she couldn't find anyone who knew their contacts or emails.

 

That was 2 years ago, since Moon Byulyi had disappeared. And all that time Yongsun never lost hope that maybe somehow she finally apologize. Hold Byulyi’s hand, look her in the eyes and tell her how sorry she was for being a coward and hurting her. 

 

Realizing she was too deep in her thinking again she gave a shaky sigh. Closing the box of mementos that reminded her of Byul. Finishing with placing tape on the top securing it, then scribbled “Moonsun” on the side, carefully carrying it to her living room. 

 

Looking around she was almost done with packing, she didn't have a lot of stuff but going through her stuff was a trip down memory lane, which took up most of her time versus packing. She sighed again as she placed the box on top of the coffee table, and sat on her sofa. A hand lingering on the box longer than necessary

 

She sighed again for the umpteenth time that day. “Ugh, I need to get out, there's too much… too much,” her voice trailed off as she looked around the small apartment. 

 

Before she sank into her own guilt, her phone rang. From the coffee table. Ahnyonce, displayed on her phone screen. The fond nickname made her smile, as she picked up.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Unnie~~~” Hyejin said in a sing song.

 

“Yeah? What's going on? How are you?” she smiled. Wondering what the other girl on the phone was doing with all the rustling.

 

“Do you want to die?” A different forced husky voice said. Silence.

 

“W-what?” She answered flabbergasted and confused.

 

“Unnie.” A different voice emerged from the speakers. Then laughter, erupted from the other side of the phone. 

 

Her smile grew wider. “Wheein, you almost gave me a heart attack.” 

 

“Oh right, sorry Unnie. I forgot you were old.” The puppy emphasized on the word old a little too much.

 

The older rolled her eyes, and replied “I'm not that old!” with a groan. “Wait, aren't you in Japan? You came back without telling me!? Yah what's the meaning of this?” she said in mock anger.

 

“I forget your going senile unnie.” Wheein sniped as they both snickered.

 

“Is this how you treat your elders? Disrespectful kids!” She was grinning, but was keeping her voice stern.

 

“Please forgive us great o-- Yongleader-unnie, we repent.”

 

“Hmmm..”

 

“We’ll treat you to that tteokbokki plac--”

 

“All is forgiven children, I am a kind person after all.” Kim Yongsun was a simple girl. A kind, modest, gorgeous woman. Who loved tteokbokki.

 

Wheein could have sworn she heard drool dripping as the 3 of them laughed in unison. 

 

“To answer your question, I'm in Japan with Wheein. I was thinking that maybe you wanted to meet up with us Unnie.” Hyejin replied.

 

“Oh..” 

 

“Unnie before you refuse, you've been working your ass off too much. C’mon just a few weeks? Pleaseeee? We've missed our Yongleader-unnie.” Wheein was practically begging in her voice.

 

“I ca--”

 

“Unnie.” Hyejin cut her off with a little harshness in her voice. “I'm sure your manager will be willing to give you a few weeks off. You've been working too much ever since,” there was a short pause as the younger was looking for the proper term. She really didn't want to bring up the break up.

 

“We retired.” Wheein finished her sentence for her, which the other gave her a grateful nod. 

 

“I..” A sigh, she did need a break, and the two were right. Ever since the break up, Yongsun started devoting herself to working as a vocal coach for trainees. It helped her focus her energy elsewhere instead of sulking. “Alright, let me call manager-unnie and my sister.”

 

Synced cheering came through from the speaker and she let herself smile, thankful that she had friends like Wheein and Hyejin. Even more that they were all so closely bonded.

 

“Unnie, I actually already booked a ticket for you for Japan.” The youngest mentioned as if it were a normal thing.

 

“Wait. You what?” Her jaw dropped.

 

“Well we both really wanted you to come.” The two synced. “It's scheduled tomorrow evening.” Hyejin spoke with extra honey.

 

It was suspicious, all too suspicious. She doubted she would get an answer on the phone so she decided to drop it. The idea that she would spending time with her close friends, like old times was something she was getting excited about. “Alright. Let me pack my things, I'll text you guys later.”

 

“Bye Unnie~” The two synced again. Making her end the call with a lingering smile.

 

She immediately called her manager and explained the situation. With much convincing and mentioning that the ticket was already booked, her manager reluctantly agreed to give her 6 weeks off. To which she was more than grateful for.

 

After calling her manager, she created a group chat with Wheein and Hyejin, to let them know that she was granted 6 weeks of freedom.

 

Yongsun was finishing packing her things after dinner. “Let's see.” She went through her checklist, satisfied everything was in order she went to her room. And opened her drawer that had only one item inside it. It was a small jewelry box. Which she picked up and brought over to her lap as she sat down on her bed.

 

She stared at it for awhile. Contemplating. Then opened the small box. A silver bracelet and a ring sat in the box’s fabric. Smiling weakly as she wore the bracelet and the ring on her ring finger. She laid down, reaching her hand up to shade her eyes from the light. Staring at the ring.

 

Seoul is a gigantic metropolis dulling down, as the stars shine and take over, competing over brightness in a darkening world. Commuter trains of many colors move in all directions, transporting human beings with different faces. Each person simultaneously self-contained in their own world, own stories, and own experiences.

 

The moon taking the form of a silent monolith over the city, watched a room from the window. Crying with its inhabitant. A broken sob, one that would have broken the moon’s heart if he had one. A ring that didn't have it's other half gripped tightly. A strangled plea, one he wish he could grant. 

 

“Where are you? Please… come back.”


	3. Magnolia

It was 8:34, P.M and Yongsun was finally in Japan, the hour nap on the plane gave her some much needed energy. Her eyes still stung, under her shades but she was a little too busy rotating her bracelet, to take notice of a girl with short brown hair who sat beside her in the waiting area.

 

The took out her phone to chat with the two maknaes asking them where they were. 

 

Wheein: We're on our way grandma ;)

 

“Ugh.” she breathed out, but smiled a little thinking Hyejin probably overslept, and Wheein too busy on her phone playing a game, forgetting that they were supposed to pick her up. Getting bored she decided to check for any news about Moon Byulyi. She had a fancafe of her own which made it a little easier to find compiled data about her. 

 

“No new articles.” she thought, biting her lower lip behind the medical mask. Shaking her untidy bun, she decided to read through the most recent articles in Byul’s fancafe. 

 

She opened the latest one titled “Moonbyul’s Collaborations” which had a new reply about 2 days ago. Finding the new reply she happened to chance upon old comments asking why Moonbyul didn't do any collaborations with any of her old Mamamoo pals. Scrolling past that she found the comment she was looking for.

 

11/17/2021 2:01 P.M Mrs.PuffHyung: There's a leak that Moonbyul-nim might show up at Umbra-nim’s fansign event in Japan at Nov. 22, Sophia University. There are several rumors from trusted sources that they collaborated again for one more song, whereas Moonbyul-nim wrote the lyrics and Umbra-nim was in charge of the music and compositions.

 

Yongsun read it over and over again. Wait. Rumors can't be trusted. She knew that much being in the music industry herself, to say it didn't give her hope that, maybe Byul would be there.

 

“Sorry to bother you but, I noticed your reading an article about an idol I like.” The taller girl paused. “Are you also a fan of Moonbyul-ssi?” The brunette with short hair looked at her expectantly. From expectancy her face moved to recognition, her jaw opened slightly. Or maybe she was about to say something. It was hard to tell from the medical mask she was also wearing.

 

“Solar-unnie..?” the unknown girl spoke, her voice was conflicted. Was she actually right? God it's going to be so embarrassing if she wasn't who she thought she was. Then again she could just improvise if it wasn't Solar.

 

“Err.” The older woman shifted a little uncomfortable, sure she was used to people actually recognizing her but she was caught off-guard.

 

“Sorry I didn't mean to be rude, it's just that I'm actually a huge fan.” The other girl removed her mask and smiled sheepishly. 

 

It was Yongsun’s turn to be slack jawed. “Hani-ssi?” she bit back her surprised shout. Low and behold it was Hani from EXID.

 

The other gleamed. “Wow, unnie I didn't think you would recognize me at all.” She said laughing a little with a hint of relief.

 

“Not at all! I listened to your latest albums a few months back.” She smiled her every so friendly smile.

 

“Are you here for Umbra-nim’s fansign too?” Hani tilted her head in question.

 

She shook her head, thinking that this person is being cute, still smiling. “No, actually I'm here on vacation with Hyejin and Wheein.”

 

“Ahh that must be nice, oh wait.” Hani’s adorable smile grew wider. “Since your here with Hwasa-ssi and Wheein-ssi then Moonbyul-unnie should be here too?” Her eyes sparkled with excitement. 

Yongsun cringed with the mention of Moonbyul’s name, and if that wasn’t bad enough she felt color drain from her face. It's not like it was she choose to be physically affected by a name. It's just she severely is.

“So she leak was legi--?” She stopped seeing Solar going pale. Putting a hand over the olders shoulder. “Unnie are you okay? Should I get a medic?” She quickly stood up from her seat.

 

Quickly grabbing the younger’s wrist and urged her down her seat. “Sorry, it's just…”

 

Confused, but ever so kind Hani sat beside the older woman, rubbing her back for comfort, albeit awkwardly. 

 

“Not anyone of us has heard anything from Moonbyul ever since she last released her album with Umbra..” She was smiling, but it was obviously forced.

 

Suddenly feeling guilty for bringing up a topic. “No wonder she was looking through the webpage, idiot. That should have made you shut up and think for once.” She berrated herself internally. “Sorry I didn't know.” She finally said.

 

“It's fine, I just miss her a lot that's all.” I miss her too much. So much.

 

“Unnie, I know this is really sudden but maybe you’d like to Umbra’s fansign with me? I want to make it up to you. Moonbyul-unnie told me a lot about you, and that she really respects you a lot.” She smiled wider.

 

Byul talked to her friends about her? The thought made her smile, unconsciously touching the ring on her finger.

 

“I think that's a great idea, Unnie we should go.” A raspy voice said from behind them.

 

Hani jumped a little, as for the eldest she didn’t seem surprised. Hyejin and Wheein always liked suddenly appearing. 

 

“Ah you scared me.” Hani had a hand on her chest looking at the two. 

 

The smaller one was hyper focused on her phone to look up from it, the tip of her tongue sticking out from the edge of her mouth. A single dimple on her right cheek.

 

The youngest had her hair cut short. Well manicured fingers were wrapped around Wheein’s arm. She was guiding the her, she presumed. 

 

After exchanging pleasantries, and contact numbers, and a little bit of chit chat, Hani separated from their little group since she had already booked a hotel. Mitsui Garden Hotel, which was just a walk away from Sophia University.

 

The oldest settled in her seat after putting away her luggage in the back of the car. She was seated in the front passenger's seat, Hyejin was at the back, and Wheein was driving.

 

After snapping her seatbelt on Wheein placed a hand on her unnie’s shoulder. “I'm glad you came, I really missed you.” Her dimple smile was contagious, making Yongsun smile too.

 

“I'm glad I came too.” Her heart swelled. How lucky was she to have friends that cared about her this much.

 

Hyejin wanting in on the moment placed a hand ontop of Wheein’s hand which was still on top of Yong’s shoulder. And ever so slowly leaned in closer to the eldest and whispered, “That's what all the girls say.” In an extremely sexy voice that made Yongsun’s skin crawl and her face pink.

 

“Y-yah! Your being cringey!” To be honest the pink on her cheek was because she had pictured Byul saying it. Not beause of that rare ship.

 

On cue, the maknaes started howling in laughter. Soon enough the eldest joined them. 

 

The drive from Haneda Airport to Wheein’s apartment flew by relatively quickly as they wouldn't stop teasing each other, random singing, jokes and puns. The drive with her two good friends, despite reminding her that they were missing one person, was comfortable.

 

Wheepup’s apartment was big and spacious, the light colors of the wall and he floors are burnished hardwood giving it a cozy feel. It had a private balcony, which had a beautiful view of the autumn that was creeping on Yoyogi Park. The place was also air conditioned. A 60 inch plasma TV was on the wall. A fully equipped kitchen, 

 

In40 minutes ended quickly and they were already settling in Wheein’s apartment. 

 

“We should celebrate.” Hyejin suggested.

 

With that, Wheein opened a bottle of sake. They drank, made a makeshift cake out of muffins and whip cream, then had a simple dinner of delivery pizza.

 

They then cleared the table and moved from the kitchen dining table, t the living room where they sat under a kotatsu listening to music. The two younger women had drank two glasses in the time Yongsun took to finish one.

 

They were taking time to get a glimpse of each others lives the past years. Catching up.

 

They started reminiscing about childhood, school, family, their idol careers to the point of where they now. The eldest listened and responded with comments of her own. 

 

They all could recount each episodes with painstaking detail, she herself was amazed with the power of her memory and of the two. But as time passed and two more bottles of wine sat on the table empty, it began to dawn on the oldest that there was something wrong with how they were recounting and telling their stories. 

 

After Wheein mentioned her last vlive, it finally dawned on her. They were taking great care as they spoke not to touch certain things. One of those things was Moon Byulyi. All three women had certain subjects they were avoiding. 

 

After awhile she shifted to a more comfortable position, and drank what was left of the 4th bottle of wine. They were all a little drunk now, even though she drank far less than the two. She couldn't deny the wonderful buzz.

 

They had kept talking and talking. The oldest was in the middle of talking about how one of her trainees bought her roses, and how she successfully contained a cringe when the said trainee asked her out.

 

“Flowers, well specifically Marigolds remind me a lot of Byul-unnie.” Hwasa said.

 

Before she knew it, they had stopped talking. The ragged end of the last word Hyejin spoke seemed to float in the air, where it had been torn off. She hadn't actually finished what she was saying, but she couldn't seem to say anything. 

 

“That's weird,” Wheein commented. “I would think Moon flowers correlate with her better. They bloom in moonlight. They have white flowers, that match Byul-unnies skin. And the flowers close when the sunlight touches their petals, like how the stars slowly disappear when the sun starts to rise. Yongsun-unnie here is more of a marigold” She finished slurring.

 

“That's true, but you see it's more of how the marigold follows the sun. Dutifully gazing at the sun's beauty daily. The flower complements the sun's beauty and warmth.” Hwasa argued.

 

“No really, that's more of Yongsun-unnie.” Wheein shook her finger.

 

Yongsun’s her words simply evaporated. She did try to go on, but nothing came.

 

The youngest took notice first of the change in the oldest. She saw Solar’s eyes, clouded, as if covered by a thin translucent membrane.

 

“Unnie? Are you okay?” Hyejin’s voice was filled with alcohol and concern.

 

Wheein dragged herself across the table to hug Yongsun, reeking of alcohol. “Unnie..”

 

Her lips were slightly parted, turning her half-focused eyes on Wheein. “Sorry, I just..” one big tear spilled from her eye, ran down her cheek, and splattered on the floor.

 

Seeing this Hyejin quickly got up and hugged Yongsun from the other side.

 

“It's just that I miss Byul-ah..” she tried to smile and fought her tears back. “When Byul left my apartment the day we fought that was the last time we had ever talked. I felt terrible about it, and I tried texting and calling her but she never replied. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, then months turned to years.” 

 

Wheein squeezed the eldest burying her face into the other’s neck. “Oh unnie… if only I could tell you.” she thought.

 

Solar let out a shaky breath. “So tried to poured all my energy with work. Keeping my body moving so I could forget about the emptiness inside. Then I started isolating myself from people, and established a proper distance between me and everything else.” She paused for a bit gathering her thoughts as Hwasa hugged her tightly for reassurance. “It seemed to work at first, plus the pay was good. At one point though, when loneliness got unbearable I tried to make friends. But it just felt like they didn't understand me that well. They didn't understand me the way Byul-ah did,” Her voice started to crack she and the pain of her words seeped deep into Wheein and Hyejin “I just felt like I would never be able to connect with anyone, as intimately like I did with Byul-ah.” Another tear fell.

 

All that time, inside her was a vague knot, and as time went on, the knot just began to tighten. Leading to this point where simple things that reminded her of Byul would drown her in guilt and regret.

 

Once that tear broke free,the rest followed like a damn breaking open. Kim Yongsun bent forward where she sat on the floor, pressing her palms to her eyes. She began crying. Where as the two just hugged their Unnie tighter unsure of what to do, seeing for the first time someone they look up to and admire hurt with this much intensity. 

 

Their heart broke. Aching for this broken friend. Tears started to fall from their eyes too, there bodies trembled in each other. Clothes were damp with tears and hot breath. They all had different reasons for crying as realization of the whole situation years back came into light. Pent up emotions finally giving way to release.

 

Wheein cried because she knew Moonbyul was suffering as much as Yongsun, but she couldn't tell her.

 

Hyejin cried because she sympathized with Yongsun. She was in love with her best friend too. She knew how it felt like to have feelings for someone who's so out of reach. Like when she asks about what she's smiling about and it's her, but she can't say it. She's not allowed to say it. What if it ruins the one good thing in her life? It scared her . What would she do then? She can't take it back when Wheein decides to put some distance between them. She can't risk it. She won't risk it.

 

Yongsun cried because of the gaping hole inside her. The void that only Moon Byulyi could fill.

 

Solar doesn't remember falling asleep. She feels the hardwood floor on her back, two warm bodies hugging her from both sides. The light was still on in the room, she could tell that much even with her eyes still closed. Listening to her friends rhythmic breathing. She fell back asleep. Surrounded by warmth, she dreamt of magnolias.


	4. Piano Shop & Coffee Rhymes

It was a Friday morning, and Yongsun was the first to wake up from their trio. Checking her phone it was past 10 in the morning.

 

Her eyes stung, but the beautiful day beckoned her to untangle herself from Wheein and Hyejin. After coming out of Wheein’s room to place a blanket over the two kids, she heads to the bathroom to brush and wash her face. 

 

The curse of time was always something unavoidable to one's features. Except for her, she looked as young as she always did. All thanks to the all the care she does to maintain her beauty, something she was always proud of. The only difference today was that her eyes were extremely puffy, and how her head hurt when she would suddenly move it.

 

Wanting some fresh air she headed to the balcony. Stepping out she was greeted by Yoyogi Park’s vast expanse of nature, it was truly a sight to behold. The tree's leaves were that the color of a sunset. The smell of autumn was in the air. She leaned over the railing. Dragon flies were flying around, chased by neighborhood kids swinging nets. She could hear faint sounds of laughter and music, she could even catch the smell of curry cooking. Spotting a black chubby cat, asleep on of the neighboring balcony to her right, made her smile. Looking past the foliage of leaves she could see a foreign couple walking hand in hand, enjoying a pleasant conversation.

 

Taking the view in, last night's pain seemed far away. Like the streetcar that was snaking its way through back-alleys going further and further away. 

 

The sound of a glass door grinding open, snapped her attention to where it was coming from. It was Wheein’s neighbor she supposed. The girl walked out with skinny black jeans and a big t-shirt. Maybe the same age as Hyejin or younger. Her black hair was long and a fringe of her hair covered her left eye. Her left arm was covered in bandages and hang in an arm sling. She gave no attention to her surroundings, ears covered with earphones. She just sat on the outdoor couch and focused on her book.

 

Looking out again, she a few more kids blowing bubbles and hitting cans with rocks they picked up. Despite being in a different country with different people, it felt like a normal day, she felt like she was part of the scenery. Standing there as the breeze softly kissed her skin, she started to realize whether these people were really happy or just looked it, she couldn't tell. But the did look like they were enjoying the late morning in the early weeks of November.

 

She basked in the sunlight, until Wheein called her to come eat. The two had made kimchi rice and a vegetable omelette. 

 

“Where are we meeting Hani-unnie?” Hyejin asked in between chews.

 

The fan sign. The possibility of Byul being there. “I'll have to follow up with Hani. But the venue's Sophia University?” Unsure if she recalled the place for it correctly.

 

“It's about a 30 to 20 minute drive to Sophia University from here.” Wheein was finished with her plate and staring intently at the omelette on the eldest plate.

 

Seeing what the puppy was hyper focused on Hyejin grinned and stole the egg prompting a screech and a gasp from the room. Satisfied the maknae scruffed it down. Earning her a tackle from the puppy and the goddess.

 

The eldest tried to tickle the maknae but was failing, Wheein giving up on Hyejin started to tickle Solar instead. Starting a tickle war. A tickle war where Solar was held down and tickled mercilessly.

 

Minutes of begging and a combination of dolphin calls and laughter followed made way to heavy panting and hair sticking to foreheads. As they laid on the floor. 

 

“So what's the plan? It's already…” Yongsun breathed out looking at the clock on the wall. “1:25”

 

Wheein sat up and rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. “Honestly, I didn't plan this too far ahead. I was hoping my friend could be our tour guide but I guess she hasn't come back yet.”

 

“What friend?” Hyejin asked with a brow raised.

 

“I told you about her, the one who lives next door. She's at Switzerland taking a vacation.”

 

Hyejin mumbled something incoherent but said “Right” clearly.

 

Yongsun could have sworn that last word was laced with jealousy. Neighbor? “Next door to your left?”

 

Wheein shook her head and pointed to the dry wall to the right.

 

“I saw someone reading a book at the balcony earlier.” The eldest informed.

 

“Wait. Really?” Wheein quickly stood up and ran out her door, not bothering to wear slippers.

 

Hyejin and Yongsun just looked at each other. The eldest had a look of confusion while the youngest had a blank expression. Hyejin was the first to move picking up the plates and carried them over to sink.

 

Wheein’s shouting could be heard past the walls, while they washed the dishes. It didn't sound angry, but more of exasperation. Seconds passed and silence. It was really bothering Hyejin as she was fidgeting while drying the plates.

 

Soon enough Wheein came back dragging someone behind her. The other person in question was about the same height as Wheein.

 

“Unnie, Hyejinie. This is Miru, she's helped me a lot during my stay here in Tokyo.”

 

The other girl bowed as she greeted. “I'll be your tour guide for a few days. I'm also a huge fan.” She grinned offering her uninjured arm. Hyejin was the first to shake it smiling back. The eldest was next, instead of shaking it, the stranger turned her hand over, examining it front and back. “You haven't played a musical instrument, at least not for a long while.” Miru stated thoughtfully.

 

“No,” The eldest replied, taken aback. “You're right.”

 

“I can tell from your hands.” she said with a smile. There was something mysterious about this person. She had that same aura from this morning. She seemed nice, but she couldn't tell if it was that niceness or that mystery that drew people in.

 

Intrigued Hyejin also tried examining Yongsun’s hand. Wheein stood beside her amused. Ahnyonce not really sure about what she was looking for, gave up. To which Miru gladly explained about calluses.

 

Having wanting to sit down they all got together around Wheein’s kotatsu for a more chit chat, leading to a small introduction about each other. Which turned out to have been a waste of time since, Miru already knew about the basics. More small talk lead to the discussion of how they would start their adventure in Japan. It was already 5:22 P.M when they wrapped up their plans. 

 

“Any plans for dinner? Something Japanese? Western?” Miru asked playing with some of the lose bandages on her left arm.

 

Hyejin perked up with the sound dinner. “I want fried chicken and ramen.”

 

Wheein raised her arm like a 12 year old getting the teachers attention. “Sushi! Sushi!”

 

“Sukiyaki and Sashimi sound really good right now.” The eldest said.

 

The newest person to join their party hummed thoughtfully. “Alright. I think I know a good place. It's just about a good walking distance. It's pretty cozy and the food's great.”

 

“Then that's settled.” Hyejin said standing up. “Dibs on first shower.”

 

“I own this place, I call the shots.” Wheein stood up too.

 

“Well I'm the oldest here so, I'm sure I have the right to choose.”

 

This sparked a rock-paper-scissors competition. Wheein won, Hyejin second and Yongsun last. 

 

“You two cheated.” The eldest pouted at the two.

 

“You kept using scissors.” Hyejin dead panned.

 

“I wonder why~” Wheein sang as she went to her room to get a change if clothes followed by Hyejin to give her opinion about them.

 

The eldest slumped down defeated.

 

“That was interesting.” Miru mused. “You could use my shower if you'd like Senpai.”

 

“You don't mind?” She tilted her head.

 

“Not at all, if you'd like you can also use the other room at my flat.” The younger injured girl said, with a soft smile gracing her lips. “It's usually used for guests since my roommate left.”

 

“Are you sure?” She was a little taken aback by the kindness and hospitality this person had. It wasn't that she disliked sleeping in Wheein’s place it was just a somewhat awkward for her, since Wheein and Hyejin will be sleeping in the same room together. It just felt like she was in their intimate space, despite a wall separating them.

 

“It's no bother at all. Although I do smoke from time to time in balcony, and I tend to play my instruments at odd times at night when I can't sleep… but then again with my arm like this I can't make much noise anymore” She laughed.

 

“If it's really alright with you and I doubt it's noise. I enjoy music so it's okay.” She smiled.

 

“Let me go prepare the room then.” Miru stood up.

 

“I'll come help.” 

 

“It's alright. Tell Wheein and get your stuff, I'll leave the door open so you can just come in.” she stretched her good arm then left the room.

 

Yongsun knocked twice on Wheein’s door letting them know about the new room plans. Wheein looked a little concerned.

 

“What's wrong?”

 

“What?” The two said at the same time. It never ceases to amaze her about how in sync these two were.

 

“You had a look when I said I was going to be rooming with Miru.” The eldest crossed her arms.

 

“Is she actually a serial killer?” Hyejin fake gasped.

 

Jung softly pushed Hyejin with a smile. “Well no I just didn't think you would agree, since I was planning originally to room with her while you and Hyejinnie stay here.”

 

“Oh” Is what all she could respond with.

 

“What? You don't like cuddling with me?” Hyejin pouted.

 

Wheein just squished Ahn’s cheeks together. “Of course I do. Except when you start hogging the blankets.”

 

“But you love me.” Hyejin tangled her fingers with Wheein’s smiling.

 

“Not when you start eating my food.” Wheein relied. And like clockwork the two started teasing each other.

 

That was her cue to leave. She left the two heading to the other room to get her luggage. Checking her things she left with her things to head to the neighboring room, knocked on the open door and went in. 

 

The floor plan for this flat was the same as Wheein’s. Same hardwood floor, same cream ceiling, same white wall. The difference was that Miru’s flat had a modern feel to it. She had a smaller plasma TV compared to Wheein’s. She had an island in favor of a dining table. A small coffee table sat in the middle of the room, surrounded by black leather sofas. She had a keyboard plugged in beside a huge cabinet that occupied 80% of the left wall, beside the keyboard was a dark blue violin case. A laptop sat on the coffee table with an acoustic guitar. It looked expensive. cabinet to the wall, filled with books and several knickknacks. To the right was the bedrooms and in the middle was the bathroom. 

 

The younger girl came out from the room which was closer to the door. “Heya.” She smiled and walked over to help her with her things.

 

Yongsun tried to stop her but the younger girl was already dragging her second suitcase to the guest room.

 

“It's not much, but please do feel free to do anything you like, my fridge gets stocked by my mana-- friend, about twice a week. So help yourself. Mi casa es su casa.” She finished with a lopsided smile then left to let her get settled.

 

The room size was just about right, it had a single cabinet and a bedside drawer with a lamp. The bed was queen sized and had a black and white blanket that matched the pillows. A faint smell of flowers bathed the room.

 

Soon enough she finished putting away her things and pushed her case under the bed. Taking her shower items she went inside the bathroom. It had a really clean feel to it, maybe because it only had bare necessities. A wooden medicine cabinet with a mirror, a sink, shampoo, soap and conditioner. On Top of the sink was a towel rack that had 2 toothbrushes sitting on top.

 

She took a shower. Warm water seemed to wash away unknown tension in her body. She felt relaxed, this trip is going to be good for her she told herself. Finishing up she dried her self and got dressed. She wore a black ripped jeans that hugged her figure, and a dark red t-shirt that had a paw print on it. Keeping in mind to get a thick coat.

 

After awhile they all gathered at Wheein’s apartment, since the 2YoungGirls took awhile coordinating their clothes to match each other. 

 

It was about a 30 minute walk to get to their destination, (which usually took 10 minutes) was mostly because the three had acted like tourists. Snapping away and taking selfies with anything that caught their attention. It was fun. They were supposed to head to a restaurant but walking by sweet shops triggered Wheein’s sweet tooth. 

 

Noa CafeIt had a good atmosphere it was casual and very cozy and more over the staff were nice. There was a smoke free zone and a smokers-zone. Going through the sweets menu made Yongsun mouth water. They had a wide variety of sweets and pastries. Looking around at the customers showed that it the food had volume and didn't cost as much.

 

Discussing their orders, Miru waved over a waitress who smiled immediately as she approached the table, taking out a small pad of paper and a ballpen.

 

“I'll have an Apple Cinnamon Honey Waffle with a Café au lait.” Hyejin ordered first then looked to her seat mate.

 

“Chocolate sauce and ice cream waffle with cream caff.” The eldest said somewhat slowly as she put the menu down.

 

Wheein had a giddy smile. “Mix Fruit apple, a caramel sauce ice cream waffle and a chocolate parfait.” The waitress simply nodded, unsurprised then looked at Miru with a kind smile.

 

“Blended coffee and toast, make the toast crispy but not too crispy. If that's not vague enough,” She paused, “think of it like breaking up with your significant other but still wanting to get back together.” She finished with a straight face.

 

Yongsun didn't know what to be amazed of. Miru saying that with a straight face or the waitress having no reaction to it and instead kept writing. Hyejin looked culture shocked while Wheein tried to stifle a giggle.

 

“One Apple Cinnamon Honey Waffle, one Café au lait, one Chocolate sauce, one ice cream waffle with cream caff.” The waitress named Kiyoko paused and looked at the two as they nodded. “One Mix Fruit apple, one caramel sauce ice cream waffle, one chocolate parfait and lastly one blended coffee and half burnt toast.” Finally dropping her facade she chuckled. “Good to see your back.” 

 

“Glad to be back.” Miru replied with a smile.

 

“Why have you never brought me here?” Wheein voiced accusingly.

 

“We usually ate near Koganei, Shinjuku or Suginami.”

 

Yongsun was going through her phone to check for some news and to update her parents and sister. While the others continued the conversation.

 

“Why did you order coffee and toast?” Wheein looked at her seatmate and took her hand to examine it.

 

“I have to leave in a bit.” The other shrugged.

 

“Wheein, you've never really told me about your love life.” Hyejin casually asked a little annoyed since, she was holding on to Miru’s hand a little too comfortably.

 

Yong looked up her phone curious about the answer.

 

“Well,” Wheein let go of the hand, and looked at Miru who had a lopsided smile on her lips.

 

Hyejin felt something tighten inside her. “What the hell? Why are you looking at each other like that?” She clenched her jaw making sure she actually didn't say it out loud.

 

“I have a…” the next part Wheein said it all too quietly not any of them could understand.

 

“A what?” Hyejin’s voice was raspy and a little desperate.

 

“Girlfriend.” The way she said it would have been so cute, if it wasn't busy plowing through Hyejin’s heart like a speeding jet.

 

The eldest almost dropped her phone, both looking at Wheein like she just turned into Donald Trump right before their eyes.

 

Wheein had a straight face as she continued. “She's forty-one and she's rich and beautiful and she wears fur coats and Jimmy Choo shoes and silk underwear.”

 

“And they both like to do yucky things.” Miru said solemnly.

 

“We meet on weekday afternoons, but not Sundays because her husband is home then.” The girl still had a straight face talking about this.

 

Hyejin couldn't respond and looked floored.

 

Yong dropped her phone when the word “husband” left Wheein’s mouth.

 

Ever so quickly and gracefully, Wheein took a picture of the two shell shocked. “Such shook very wow.” She said starting to giggle.

 

Wave of relief washed over Hyejin and she started berating herself for actually believing her for a second and started laughing. “Of course she would tell you about something like that. Ahn get a hold of yourself. You two text and call everyday.” She thought.

 

“Unnie are you getting your phone?” Wheein asked.

 

“I'm surprised she didn't start screaming.” Hyejin cleared her throat, already recovered from the trauma. “My phone! My phone!” doing an imitation of her dolphin squealing. 

 

Where they all started laughing immediately, prompting the eldest to pick up her phone while giving a point to roll her eyes.

 

They ate their desserts in silence, it was as heavenly as it looked. Miru was the first to break the silence in cloud nine as she had to excuse herself, first since she had to call someone back in the apartment.

 

It was 10:54 P.M when they all got back to the apartment. Taking their sweet time to enjoy each others company and the beautiful Tokyo evening, despite the cold. To her surprise the door was unlocked and all the lights were off. The balcony door was open as the breeze made the pale white curtains dance under the moons gaze. Outside she could see her roommate on the phone. 

 

“Unnie, seriously. You should come, it'll be good for you. You can bring Seulgi too.” Silence then a sigh.

 

“Yeah, remember that Villa in Hakone? The one with the rabbits and hot spring. I was planning to go there with some friends next week, you should join us.”

 

“So it's a promise then?”

 

She quietly padded to her room. Not wanting to disturb her newly made friend and roommate. She did mention she was going to invite a friend during their stay in Hakone. They didn't really mind the extra company, since the younger girl did own the villa.

 

Laying down on her bed, she wondered where Byul was and what he was doing. It's become a habit of hers the past years. 

 

She doesn't know how long she stared at the ceiling recounting her fondest memories. It was soft, but she could hear the piano from the otherside of the door. It wasn't spectacular, maybe because the one playing had a handicap. But she closed her eyes listening to a one handed Bach piece. It was warm and intimate, with real feelings.

 

She thought about Byul and how they would take turns playing the piano together in her small apartment. Until the piano carried her to sleep.


	5. Blue Irises & Lavenders

It's Yongsuns 5th day in Japan. They spent the past days visiting shrines, aquariums and being led around by Miru for the best eats around Tokyo. Despite the on and off rain she had greatly enjoyed it being surrounded by friends.

 

As promised they were meeting Hani at the university parking lot. After exchanging greetings Miru excused herself as she had an appointment with her doctor to get her cast removed.

 

The area they were was located a little off the main campus, located on a hill with open views in the middle of the city. It had a track and field area, tennis and volleyball courts and a roofed gym. It was a wide and spacious, quadrangle surrounded by concrete wall.

 

Enjoy the sun and pleasant chit chat, the four settled under a tree near the auditorium. It was a huge zelkova tree, its leaves brandishing the autumn colors, with their subtle red and gold hues. Sitting under it's base they could look up and see nothing of the sky through its dense cover of leaves.

 

“Would you like to co-host with me? I'm sure Umbra wouldn't mind since they usually host it alone it gets lonely.” Hani suddenly requested.

 

The three looked each at other taken by surprise but no one seemed against the idea.

 

“We'll do it if you do win an aegyo battle with or Wheein here” Yongsun smiled mischievously, placing a hand on Wheepup’s shoulder.

 

Hani looked unsure but finally agreed. She put both her index finger up in the air. “Il deohagi ireun gwiyomi.” She sang with a cute voice as she placed her said fingers to the side of her mouth.

 

“Our first contestant is starting strong with her aegyo ladies and gentlemen! With a classic like Gwiyomi.” Hyejin held on to a branch as she played mc.

 

Putting up two fingers now Hani, placed them on top of her head like bunny ears and did the air quote gesture. “i deohagi ineun gwiyomi” 

 

Wheein tried glaring at her to try and throw her off her game but she failed giggling.

 

Yongsun was clapping and singing along.

 

“This seems to be a very heated battle ladies and gentlemen! Our second contestant seems to be worried now!” The youngest announced.

 

Hani now had her fingers in an “okay” position. “Sam deohagi samuen gwiyomi.” She then rotated her hands inward then outward.

 

The eldest started giggling when Hani made a face, trying so hard to be cute.

 

Four fingers now, she puffed her cheeks and rotated her hand inwards once. “Sa deohagi sanuen gwiyomi” she then clenched fingers to the side of her face, and immediately started laughing leaning forward covering her face.

 

They all applauded while laughing.

 

“Thank you contestant number one! Contestant number two, it's your turn now.” Hyejin ditched the stick and used Yongsun’s clenched fist as a mic.

 

Wiping a tear from the side of her eye. Wheein regains her composure. Standing up she inhales and exhales.

 

“Contestant number two seems very focused.” Hyejin stated. Yongsun and Hani watched intently.

 

Gracefully but quickly Wheein poked her cheeks with a smile that showcased her trademark dimples. “Hwani-unnwie you know I'm cute.” She pouted slightly.

 

Hani immediately clenched her chest and started writhing on the grass. “I surrender. My heart. I can't.” 

 

Hwasa and Solar both stood up and raised both of Wheein’s arms. “Winner by knockout!”

 

“How about I'll treat you to food instead?” Hani looked up at them.

 

Hyejin whistled. “Bribery isn't part of the game! Foul!”

 

“Food for three of you.” The poor girl had to surrender.

 

The trio looked at each other again smiling, and started to laugh.

 

The oldest put her hand in the middle shouting, the other followed suit and she lifted their hands up once still joined. “Deal!”

 

Checking her wrist watch Hani stood up and brushed her dusted her clothes off. “We have an hour to go, let's go get ready?”

 

Looking around the area there were already a lot of people, most foreigners. A lot of the people in line recognized them and started cheering.

 

“So much for a surprise.” Hani shrugged linking her arm with Yongsun, who linked hers with Hyejin, who then put her hand over Wheein’s shoulder. They hurriedly moved along to the back of the auditorium where they were let in by a huge bulky guy.

 

They were backstage waiting for Hani’s cue, on the other side she could see Umbra phone in hand. Black customized “mask” covered their features, it was about the size of a motorcycle helmet. They were wearing a black suit, a gray dress shirt underneath and a black necktie.

 

“Please welcome my surprise co-hosts!” Hani said into the microphone.

 

With that Solar went out first waving into the audience. Followed by Wheein and Hwasa. Standing in the center of the stage the eldest could see how packed the place was. To her surprise the some parts of the crowd did their cheer. When that died down they started to introduce themselves individually.

 

“Well we actually have one more we would like to introduce today!” Cheering filled the auditorium.

 

Yongsuns throat went dry remembering the article. The possibility of Moon Byulyi being here. Why didn't Hani tell them about the other “friend”. She scolded herself, it could just be Umbra. Looking to the otherside stage she could see a taller figure talking with Umbra, they had very short hair but was able to tie some of it into a neat little pony tail. Handsome features were on this person's face. The same handsome features that Byul had and that they were wearing the same suit as the shorter figure.

 

Hani gave her cue and the said figure jogged up to the stage to join them. Solar’s heart jolted. Moonbyul?

 

“Hi! I'm Minhyuk and I'll be one of your co-hosts today as well!” The figure bowed and clapped as the crowd cheered.

 

If disappointment could kill, Kim Yongsun would definitely have been double dead at this point. But despite the major set back they were able to play well in the stage, they felt back at home. And she would be lying if she said she didn't miss this.

 

Time ticked on as they also started signing autographs, answering questions and taking pictures with some of the fans as there were longtime moomoo’s that came too. Apparently someone had leaked information that they were going to the event. 

 

Hyejin deduced that it was Hani’s doing.

 

They didn't get to interact much with Umbra while onstage since they were busy signing autographs, thanking fans, and taking pictures with them as well. The three of them haven't officially met Umbra yet so was their first time meeting on stage. It wasn't awkward though in fact Wheein was very relaxed and interacted with the other person the most between the three of them.

 

Having 5 people, from 3 different koreans groups was an odd choice for mcs, it wasn't unheard off. Solar had to agree that they all had great chemistry, despite being disappointed every time Minhyuk smiled at her. 

 

Hyejin placed her hands on the eldest shoulders, gaining no attention she shook her violently. “Unnie! Wake up! Don't die on me!” 

 

Solar giggled and stuttered in surprise. “I'm alright geez.”

 

Hani faux wiped sweat off her forehead. “I was going to start calling 911 unnie.”

 

Confused Solar knit her brows together. “What why?”

 

Hyejin sighed and turned Yongsun to her side, showing the table that was filled with food. To which the eldest gave a pleasant-surprised reaction.

 

“Feel free to eat to your heart's content. Umbra I think should be joining us in a bit.” Hani said already grabbing a plate and filling it with meat.

 

Grabbing a plate for herself Yongsun, started with the beef. It was tender, soft and juicy. “Omo omo. Hyejinnie come here.” She sat beside the maknae and feed her the beef.

 

Hwasa happily accepted being fed and moaned. “This is really good, what catering service did they get?”

 

Hani shrugged scarfing down her food.

 

Soon enough Umbra came plopping down on one of the sofas with Miru.

 

“You guys looked like you had fun.” Miru smiled, and sat beside Umbra. 

 

“Thank you for everything today. I'm Umbra” Umbra nodded, putting a gloved hand out. She wasn't wearing that earlier, Solar also noticed their voice was different, they still had a voice changer on but the pitch and tone was different. Demeanor and aura as well. This time they seemed to have a very active energy, like a puppy. A huge difference from the relaxed, confident, mysterious aura they had on stage.

 

Yongsun handed Hyejin her plate and shook the other person's hand smiling. “I hope you didn't mind us suddenly appearing like that.”

 

“Not at all, I had a lot of fun.” Umbra then proceeded to shake Hyejins hand.

 

Everyone's attention was caught by an older woman who cleared her throat. She was wearing a beige spring coat over a dark gray suit that looked like it came from the Vestiaire Collection catalog. She had an impressive presence, as impressive as her shoulder length hair that was impeccably trimmed and shaped. She wore no accessories. Five foot six inches tall, slim. Her lips were a tight straight line, suggesting that she wasn't easily approachable.

 

She looked at Miru then Umbra back and forth until she put a hand up to her face and massaged the bridge of her nose. Then looked at the pair again her eyes cool, but bore holes into the two. “You two, we need to talk.” 

 

Umbra obviously shuddered under the mask. Miru seemed amused trying to keep her features neutral.

 

Solar leaned close to Hani as the three left. “Who was that?”

 

Hani unfazed was still eating as if it was a normal thing. “Umbra’s manager. Miru is a composer, they work together. At least that's what I'm told.”

 

Yongsun looked around, realizing someone else was missing. “Wait where's Wheein?”

 

Hyejin chewed and swallowed. “Bathroom, bad stomach.”

 

Right on cue though, Wheein suddenly popped up immediately drooling at the food. “So much meat.” 

 

“Come here Wheenie.” The youngest said patting the empty seat beside her. Wheein shuffled and sat beside Hyejin. “Hungry?” Wheein nodded feverishly, Hyejin smiled and started feeding the puppy.

 

Hani ignored them as best she could and start joking with Yongsun as they ate. When they had their fill Miru passed by where they were seated and gave Wheein a fist bump.

 

“I owe you.” Miru grinned.

 

“You owe me a house.” Wheein said satisfied, resting her head on Hyejins shoulder.

 

Miru just smiled and followed the manager who looked like she was about to kill someone. 

 

That a was a 4 days ago. Yongsun smiled looking out the van window. They were on their way to Hakone, there was just three of them in the black van. Hyejin incharge of the music. Wheein the driver and herself being the snacks lieutenant. 

 

As to why Miru wasn't with them despite owning the villa they were now heading to, she mentioned having to pick up a friend of hers at the airport. Then they would just catch up. Picking up food for a week for their stay.

 

Thinking about it, she doesn't regret coming at all. She just wishes she could stop looking for Byul everytime. At times she would be enjoying herself laughing with her friends having a good time, then she would look around to look for her. She would mentally slap herself every time she did it.

 

Like when they spent the whole day of November 23 with Hani being promised food, they went street food hunting with Miru’s guidance around Ginza. When they went walking around the Imperial Palace East Gardens she kept looking at couples, head snapping to any woman that almost had the same back or hair as Moonbyul. Then at the National Museum of Modern art she kept imagining Moonbyul commenting at the statues and art pieces. Ending their day with more free food, courtesy of Hani. They ate dinner at a restaurant near Hibiya Park and seperated.

 

Or on the 24th they accompanied Hani to Haneda Airport she kept looking through the crowd for a familiar face. After tearful goodbyes they went to VR Zone in Shinjuku. They had to wait for about 30 minutes in queue for Mario Kart but was well worth it she wished Byul was there and gloat about how she won against the three younger ones.They had skipped lunch and played Gundam, Dragon Ball, Fear of Heights and Hospital Escape Terror. The last two were the most Yongsun had displayed her extremely high pitched voice pumped with adrenaline. But everytime her adrenaline high ended she would look for physical affection, like holding any of the threes hands, or clinging to their arms, but they weren't who she was looking for.

 

On the 25th they stayed over at Miru’s flat watching the remaster of Kiki’s delivery service where Wheein had voiced the main protagonist named Kiki and a few other minor characters. Comparing it to the old animation when she and Byulie had watched it together they had polished art, coloring was much more vibrant.

 

She liked these movies where, it was evident that there was a much more unnerving and dark sides of seemingly cheerful and warm coming-of-age movies. 

 

She found the part where Kiki sinks into a state of dejection then loses her ability to chat with her cat incredibly realistic and frightening.

 

After 5 centimeters per second. They had just stared at each other unsure of what to feel about the last episode.

 

“Well, that ending was disappointing.” Hyejin breathes, turning the TV off to give it a break.

 

Yongsun hummed. “I was a bit disappointed with the ending too.”

 

“Well the first episode was great, it was portrayed masterfully, it was also fresh and immersive.” Wheein said thoughtfully.

 

Hyejin bit on a chip. “The second was neat, but already had a feeling of being dragged on without any significant advance whatsoever, savouring the characters' feelings towards each other, like this..” She leaned close to Wheein’s ear and whispered something the other two couldn't make out. The puppy just looked down biting her lip blushing. “but not to say that it isn't satisfactory.” 

 

Miru made gagging noises, while Yongsun threatened to take away the food.

 

Miru cleared her throat wanting to stop the PDA. “Well first thing I'll say is that the film is, speaking from an animation standpoint, technically brilliant. I don't think there's really much of a debate there. Some of the shots were especially beautiful in my mind, including the train moving through the snow and the rocket moving behind the clouds. Many of the backgrounds were highly detailed and could easily stand alone as paintings.”

 

“I didn't know you were such a movie connoisseur.” Hyejin winked.

 

“That's not the only thing I'm good at.” Miru winked back and stuck her tongue out.

 

Wheein gasped and hugged Hyejin protectively. “I don't share.” They did however shared a laugh.

 

Hyejin scooted closer to the eldest holding the pringle container as a microphone. “Any comments madam Kim?”

 

She was quiet for awhile. “You might have not liked the ending but I thought it was still a masterpiece. It gives us the notion that the most beautiful and often desired things in life are those that are unreachable.” Moon Byulyi’s face flashed her mind.” “I liked this a lot, even though It makes me incredibly sad afterwards. But at the same time, it just seemed so real because of how it ended. People drift apart for different reasons, be it distance, beliefs or emotional situations.” She finished giving a bitter smile at how close to home she felt.

 

Wheein hugged her unnie tight like the little puppy she was the two joining quickly. That made Yongsun feel better. Better but not less empty. 

 

They did separate at one point when Wheein farted.

 

She sighed finally taking notice of the scenery outside. The tightly packed city streets gave way to more sparse housing. Black tile roofs and vinyl sided houses caught the early autumn sun.

 

Hyejin spoke in a somewhat annoying voice. “Are we there yet?” complete with a pout.

 

The eldest deadpanned. “No.” Instead giving the lion meat to keep her mouth occupied. And by meat she gave her 2 packs of chips.

 

It was just about a two hour drive to the mountain villa Miru owned. But a bored Hyejin is bored. To her understanding it was somewhere above Mt. Ashigara’s base that had a nearby hot spring.

 

When the van entered a canyon, Wheein had to start hauling the steering wheel back and forth to follow the twists and curves of the road. By the time the curves started to decrease the road plunged into a chilling cedar forest. The trees might have been a hundred years old by the way they towered, blocking out the sun and covering everything in gloomy shadows. The breeze flowing into her window turned suddenly cold that gave Yongsun chills and but a sense of calm.

 

Soon enough the vehicle was slowly climbing up after passing the village until they went through a big fenced area that seemed to be a pasture. Way over on the other side, she caught a sight of few horses grazing. Wheein drived following the fence line. Until they reached a big wooden house with a front porch, that had shrubs and flowers at the side of the house.

 

“This is huge.” Hyejin said.

 

“Wow, we're really staying here for a week?” Yongsun said unsure if she was dreaming or if Wheein was pulling there leg.

 

“Yup.” Wheein got out the driver's seat and started stretching, it was a little past 10 in the morning of Friday, November 26. “There's a birdhouse and a rabbit pen further bacm of the house.”

 

When Yongsun got out to stretch out her legs and back, when a big dog came running over to them, tail wagging. It stood up leaning on her then, sniffing her face, then jumped playfully on Wheein. Hyejin whistled and it came over to her, licking her hand with its long tongue.

 

“This is the best welcoming party I've ever had.” Hyejin smiled and patted the dog on his head.

 

They took turns giving the dog pets and belly rubs until an older lady walked towards them from the trees. She looked warm and kind, her face had lots of wrinkles. These were the first thing that caught Yongsun’s eye, it didn't make her look old. Instead, they emphasized a certain youthfulness in her. The wrinkles belonged where they were. Here was a woman who was probably in her late forties, who seemed not merely a nice person but whose niceness drew you to her.

 

The closer the lady walked, she noticed her hair out in patches and the bangs lay crooked against her forehead, but the style suited her perfectly. She wore a a blue work shirt, baggy cream colored pants and tennis shoes. 

 

Wheein quickly ran towards her and hugged the older lady. “Auntie! It's been so long!”

 

The older lady smiled and her wrinkles smiled too. “Whee-chan, welcome back.” She said as she hugged the puppy back.

 

Hyejin and Yongsun walked closer to them as they hugged. Then Wheein introduced them as her and Miru’s friends. Yongsun found out that the old lady was names Reiko, she was alone and was in charge of the place. She actually lived in the village they had passed but she liked living her in solitude so Miru let her do as she pleased. They weren't in anyway related but she had treated Miru and Wheein like her own granddaughters when they had visited.

 

The interior of the place was as impressive as it was on the outside, the ceiling was high giving the living room a spacious feel. It had a fireplace and expensive looking sofa’s. There were dear and blue butterfly motifs on the wall, where Reiko mentioned that Miru had painted them herself.

 

Settling into their own individual rooms, the old lady had encouraged them to take a walk around property. Wheein said she would take a nap since the drive tired her out, and Hyejin said she would call Miru and would join her later.

 

Alone Yongsun left the house wearing a jacket despite the sun shining. The dog on the porch woke up and followed her some ways but soon lost interest and went back to his place on the porch. She decided to follow a path that lead to the woods. About 15 minutes or so she happened to find a small shed, it had tools and a bed. Finding it odd she continued to walk along the tramples-down path. The woods were completely still, and with the sun blocked out it was chilly. She was really enjoying the scenery it was beautiful how autumn has laid claim to her surroundings. 

 

Noticing the path had went up a steep hill she decided to leave the main trail and followed another stream that lead to a clearing up ahead, when she stepped into it, the bright blue sky was above her. The stream flowed in the middle of the meadow. Flowers, blue irises and Lavenders littered it's floor, a stark contrast to the golden yellow of fallen leaves and green grass.

 

After taking pictures of the scene she sat on a boulder that was beside the stream. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, no wind and everything was quiet around her, all she could hear was the moving water and birds chirping in the woods.

 

She didn't know how long she stayed there but decided it was time she headed back and maybe bring Wheein, str and Hyejin to her new secret hiding place. Stretching and twisting her waist as she stood up, she accidently stepped on a mossy rock, causing her to slip and hit her head hard on the boulder.

 

She slowly regained consciousness feeling a heavy throbbing on her head. She took her time opening her eyes to see a ceiling, it was a tight space the only light was from a window to her right. It was almost 3:30 P.M with the angle of the sun. She was lying on a small bed in that shed she passed by earlier, slowly looking to her left someone was seated on a small stool.

 

“You've gotten heavier. It wasn't easy carrying you here you know.” The person pocketed her phone and looked at her.

 

“Byul-ah.” She suddenly sat up despite the pain from her right temple. Maybe it was because of the pain but tears suddenly started flowing from her eyes, and she sobbed.

 

Moonbyul quickly sat on the side of the bed and embraced her, gently patting her back. “Does it hurt?” She asked.

 

Yongsun could only hug her tighter afraid she was going to leave again, and disappear. She wasn't going to take chances, this was Byul. Her Moon Byulyi.

 

When she calmed down Byul slowly pulled away from her looking at her and wiping her tears away, giving a soft smile. After the younger girl had wiped her tears away she held her hand and kissed. “Your here.” Her voice low and affectionate.

 

“I'm here.” Moonbyul responded with as much affection. “Miru picked me up from Haneda and drove me here like a drag racer.” She chuckled.

 

The older girl placed her head on Byul’s shoulder, despite the pain. It's probably going to leave a huge bruise later. “Where were you all this time?”

 

“Looking for myself,” She paused. “I realized I was lost because I left your door.” She carefully shifted her position to embrace Yongsun. 

 

The older shifted her face to bury it in Moonbyul’s neck. Taking in her scent. “I missed you” Her voice cracked. “So much.”

 

The younger shushed her and rubbed her back. “I've missed you too Unnie.”

 

They stayed in that intimate moment. Until Solar broke her silence. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry Byul-ah. I was just scared. I've thought a lot about you all that time. The more I thought, the more I realized and felt that I was unfair to you. I must have hurt you so much, when it probably took you so much time to gather up that courage to ask me to come out with you.” The other girl remained silent, squeezing her arm gently to let her know that she was listening. “I led you around in circles and hurt you deeply, but by doing that I led myself in circles too and hurt myself just as much. I'm not saying this as an excuse or self justification.” She tried her best to keep going, “I left a wound deep inside you, but please try not to hate me. Please. I don't want you to hate me, I would fall to pieces.” She let out a shaky breath.

 

Moonbyul slowly pulled away from her, and looked at her with so much love as she did years ago. “I don't hate you Unnie, I can't hate you.” She wiped a lose tear from the eldest eyes. “I should be apologizing, I was scared too. I was scared that you were going to break up with me. When Umbra offered a collaboration I took up the opportunity as an excuse to avoid you.” She looked out the window wistfully “I wanted to erase those words I told you that day. Then as time passed, I couldn't really take it anymore so I tried to forget you. But I couldn't instead, I ended up running away from you and hurting us both. Leaving no reconciliation to what we had.” 

 

Yongsun knew Byul had so much more to say, but she couldn't help herself and kissed her. She could feel Byul smiling and deepend the kiss. The kiss lasted for not more than a minute but it felt like endless bliss. She started laughing earning a confused look from Moonbyul.

 

“I think you hit your head too hard.” 

 

“I'm just happy you're here.”

 

The hamster smiled. “Greasy.”

 

“I got it from you.” Yong smiled and Byul kissed her again.

 

“You're still really pretty you know.” She pinched the olders cheek. “Your cheeks look a lot more plump, it's cute.”

Solar giggled slapping away Moonbyul’s arm. “Greasy.”

 

She chuckled and mimicked her tone from earlier. “I got it from you.”

 

“Byul-ah” 

 

“Yongsunnie”

 

“Byul-ah”

 

“Yongdonnie”

 

“Byul-ah”

 

“Yes my love?”

 

Yongsun cringed and threatened to hit her. Her tsundere image should be protected of course, but she couldn't deny the warmth she feels inside. “Do you love me?”

 

“Of course I do.” Moonbyul said with conviction.

 

“Will you do me a favor?” She smiled.

 

“You have about a lifetime of wishes with me madam.” She had a triumphant grin, complete with nose muscles.

 

Still smiling she carefully shook her head. “One will be enough. I want you to always remember me. Remember that I existed, that we existed.”

 

“Always,” The younger girl whispered. “I'll always remember.”

 

“I also want you to realize how grateful I am that you came to see me here. You've made three years of loneliness disappear.” She leaned her forehead on Byul’s.

 

“Kim Yongsun. Your existence has saved me more times than I can count even when we were apart. I also want you to realize this.” Byul looked into her eyes, she could feel her breaths on her lips.

 

“Do you really promise never to forget me?” 

 

“I'll never forget you, I tried and I couldn't. I could never forget you.” Moonbyul whispered softly and closed the gap between their lips.

 

Solar doesn't remember falling asleep. But she’s being gently shaken feeling an arm around her back, another supporting her head.

 

“Unnie, wake up. Unnie? Yongsun-unnie.” A soft voiced called her.

 

She opened her eyes, hues of twilight painted the sky. It matched the colors of the trees around her. She saw a formation of birds in the sky. Despite someone holding she felt hollow, and cold.

 

“Byul-ah.” Her voice weak and dry.

 

The other woman shook her head. “Unnie, can you hear me? It's me. Seulgi. Kang Seulgi.” Seulgi looked to the direction of trees. “Joohyun! I found her! She's bleeding!”

 

“Joy call an ambulance! Yeri and Wendy run back to the villa and tell the others.” Irene’s voiced boomed through the woods.

 

“Byul-ah” she said a little louder despite her throat protesting.

 

Seulgi tried talking to her a few more times trying to get her to respond to her. But all she got was sobs and the broken voice calling for the one she loved the most.

 

Seulgi’s voice couldn't reach paste the darkness and ever bigger void that pulled her into unconsciousness. Maybe she could continue that dream with Moon Byulyi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Red Velvet makes a scene! I actually know nothing about them, aside from how they make feel things. And yeah, Miru was on call with Irene and not Byul. Thanks for reading :3


	6. Operation Cliché Is A Go

It was there last night in Hakone they've already stayed for a week and a half. Old lady Reiko didn't mind, in fact she offered them to stay a year. Yongsun wishes she could, but she promised she would go see her parents on the 8th of December which was just two days away. 

 

It was the four of them were the only people in the villa since Joohyun’s gang had left on the 3rd to Nagano and old lady Reiko had gone to the village for some errands.

 

Yongsun was sandwiched between Hyejin and Wheein covered by a blanket in front of the fireplace. The lights were off and their only light came from the burning warmth in front of them. Miru sat on the other sofa playing her guitar. They would sing along if they knew the song, if not they quietly enjoyed the peice or making lyrics of their own.

 

The sky outside looked darker, cloud cover thicker than before, the moon invisible. Miru stopped playing when the rain started to fall and looked out the window. “I hope it doesn't rain too hard tonight. We still have to drive back in the morning.” 

 

Ever since the incident the three younger kids never left her alone. When she did need some time alone, they would be out of sight but be somewhere nearby. Running to her side when needed. It made her happy how sweet they were. Having their company also somehow dulled the pain in her chest, distracting her from her thoughts, from her guilt. “It wouldn't be too bad.” Yongsun commented, feeling comfortable.

 

Wheein wrapped an arm around the eldest’s arm. “When it's raining like this,” she said, “it feels as if we're the only ones in the world.”

 

“If you say it like that I wish it would just keep raining so the four of us could stay together like this, then I won't have to go back home.” Solar sighed.

 

“Oh, sure and while you and unnie are going at it, Miss Lion is supposed to be fanning you, while I play background music on my guitar like dumb slaves. No thanks!” Miru raised an eyebrow looking at Yong’s and Whee’s locked arms.

 

“Oh, we could switch once in awhile.” Wheein stuck out her tongue and winked.

 

“O.K, then count me in.” Hyejin laughed while hugging Yongsuns other arm. “C’mon rain, pour down!”

 

The rain did pour down, and kept pouring. Thunder shook the place from time to time. When they finished the snacks they laid out on the table Hyejin went to get more, while Miru started to play on her guitar again taking a break a few times to add more wood to the fire. They all took turns sipping wine, and when that was gone they shared a bottle of brandy Miru had for occasions like this. A warm, close mood took hold as the four of them talked into the night. Then Yongsun began to wish, with Wheein, that the rain would keep falling.

 

“You know, I've never heard you sing Miru.” Yongsun looked at their resident guitarist.

 

Miru smiled shaking her head.

 

“Why not? I'm sure you have a great voice. You have that husky cool edge to your talking voice.” Hyejin encouraged.

 

“Instead of a song, why don't I tell you a story that reminds me of this rain,” She looked at the three. “It's about the Tanabata Festival.”

 

“I've heard some bits and pieces of the story. The star crossed lovers right?” Hyejin commented.

 

The guitarist simply nodded.

 

“I like this story a lot granny told me this everynight when I was a kid.” Wheein rested her head on Yongsun’s shoulder.

 

Miru propped her guitar against the side of the sofa and sat in front of the three. She cleared her throat. “Princess Orihime the weaving maiden, daughter of a Deity of Light, Tentei. Lived on the shores of the Milky Way, it was the Bright River of Heaven. She worked hard all day long she sitting at her loom, weaving the garments of the gods. Hour by hour the colored web grew until it layed on the floor, fold on fold piled at her feet. Still she never stopped working for she was afraid. Afraid of sayings of other gods.” 

 

“Workaholic, sounds like you unnie.” Hyejin commented with a smirk.

 

With an amused smile on her lips Miru continued. “Sorrow, age-long sorrow, shall come upon the weaving maiden when she leaves her loom.” She said in a sad voice.

 

“Your good at this,” Yongsun commented looking at Miru.

 

Before the eldest could continue her sentence she was shushed by Wheein gesturing for Miru to continue.

 

“So she worked, day after day. Despite herself a weaving beautiful garments, she herself, wore humble garments. She wore nothing of the beautiful dresses she made, or of the jewels that her father gave her. She went barefoot, and let her hair hang down unconfined. Her long black locks would fall on the loom, and back she flung it over her shoulder. She didn’t play with the children of Heaven, or take her pleasure with celestial youths and maidens. She did not love nor weep. She was neither glad nor sorry. She sat weaving, weaving ... and wove her being into the many-colored web.” Miru went on. “Now her father, the Deity of Light, grew worried. One day he took her shuttle from her hand and gently covered her loom with cloth. He wanted his daughter to live, be happy. He made her dress richly and made her wear the jewels he gave her. Then her father arranged for her a spouse, Hikiboshi the Herd Boy of Heaven, who tended his flocks on the banks of the Bright River.” Miru paused yawning.

 

“You talk so boring you put yourself to sleep.” The lion laughed.

 

“No, I just didn't think you would be this boring to look at.” Miru stuck her tongue out

 

“Savage.” Wheein stated.

 

Solar started laughing in their expense.

 

Hyejin gasped and stood up. Modeling her body and shaking her ass. “What's boring about my gorgeous body?”

 

“Everything.” Miru deadpanned getting tackled by Hyejin who squeezed her cheeks.

 

At one point Wheein and Yongsun separated them, wanting to hear more of the story. The two younger girls sat back to where they were originally seated, hair disheveled.

 

“Where was I?” Miru inquired.

 

“It was a dark and stormy night, like this, and you were climbing the steep cliff to grab the birds nest.” Wheein said with a serious tone that took Solar off guard.

 

“You're amazing, the way you can joke around with such a straight face.” Yongsun said impressed and scared.

 

Hyejin agreed with the eldest, remembering that girlfriend joke days ago. This new habit Wheein had taken in was scary… and sexy.

 

“Right,” Miru paused. Grabbing more brandy from the kitchen cupboard and poured herself a glass. “Now the maiden, Orihime was changed indeed. Her eyes were stars and her lips were smiled. She went dancing and singing all the day. Long hours she played with the children of heaven, and she took her pleasure with the celestial youths and maidens. Lightly she went, barefeet no more, her feet were shod with silver sandals. Her lover, the herd boy, Hikiboshi, held her by the hand. She laughed so that the very gods laughed with her, and High Heaven re-echoed with sounds of mirth. She was careless, little did she think of duty or of the garments of the gods. As for her loom, she never went near it from one moon’s end to another. “I have my life to live,” she said, “I’ll weave no more.” And the Herd Boy, her lover, held her in his arms. Her face was all tears and smiles, and she buried it in his chest. The Herd Boy was no better though, he let his flock wonder the shores of heaven unattended. So they lived their life. But her father, the Deity of Light, was angry. Her daughter had made no new garments and there was no one else who would weave.Three times he warned his daughter. Three times she laughed softly and shook her head.” Miru continued with a neutral look. “Tentei banished Hikiboshi forever and ever to the farther side of the Bright River. The magpies flew together, from far and near, and they spread their wings for a frail bridge across the river, and the he went over the bridge. Immediately the magpies flew away before Orihime could follow him. She was the saddest thing in Heaven. For a long time she stood on the shore, and held out her arms to the Hikiboshi, who tended his oxen desolate and in tears. For a long time she lay and cries on the sand. For a long time she brooded, looking at ground. She eventually stood up and went to her loom. Removing cloth that covered it. She took her shuttle in her hand, and tried working. But dropped it, and cried leaning her head against the loom. ‘I would not be as I once was. I did not love nor weep, I was neither glad nor sorry. Now I love and I weep, I am glad and I am sorry.’” Miru took a from her glass. “Her tears fell like rain, but she took up the shuttle and weaved diligently. Sometimes the web was grey with grief, sometimes it was rosy and bright with dreams. The gods were glad under the circumstances to have something to wear, so they went strangely clad. The Maiden’s father, the Deity of Light, for once was well pleased that his daughter was fulfilling her duty. All the while he being oblivious to her being saddest thing in Heaven. Weaving and weaving, crying then weaving. The end.”

 

“What?! That's not how it ended!” Wheein shouted over the rain, alcohol circling her veins.

 

Hyejin squinted at Miru as if she was on top of Mt. Fuji.

 

Yongsun seemed lost. Perplexed and sad.

 

Miru shrugged pouring the brandy to each of their glasses. “Drink and I'll continue.”

 

They obliged, the more they drank the sweeter the brandy tasted. The taste of flowers, fresh and dried fruit, and citrus zest left a pleasant buzz.

 

Miru continued her story when they all finished two glasses each. “Seeing her daughter in distraught. The Deity of Light apologized and asked what he could do. Orihime begged her father to bring her lover back, but it was impossible as he was banished by decree of Deity forever and ever. Tears once again fell, her father spoke gently wiping away her tears with his thumb. “Yet there is something I can do. Listen. On the seventh day of the seventh moon, I will summon the magpies together from the ends of the earth, and they shall be a bridge over the Bright River of Heaven, so that you my daughter my pass lightly to the waiting Herd Boy on the farther shore.”

 

“Tentei or whatever is an asshole.” Hyejin groaned, irritated. How could a father take away her daughter's only happiness? 

 

Miru had stood up and was looking out the window. “And so it was. On the seventh day of the seventh moon came the magpies from far and near. And they spread their wings for a frail bridge. And Orihime went over by the frail bridge. Her eyes were like stars, and her heart like a bird in her bosom. And Hikiboshi was there to meet her on the otherside. And they are still true lovers. On the seventh day of the seventh moon these two keep have their romantic rendezvous. Only if the rain falls with thunder and cloud and hail, and the Bright River of Heaven has increased in size and flowing fast, the magpies can not make a bridge for the Weaving Maiden. Thus Tanabata is celebrated to commemorate the romantic story of two lovers represented by the stars Vega and Altair who are only allowed to meet each other once a year as long as the skies are clear. To pray for clear skies so the lovers could meet again. ”

 

They most likely a little drunk now with the bottle almost empty.

 

Hyejin was starting to doze off, head resting on the oldests shoulder.

 

Whee’s hyper energy was dulled down and was staring at the fire in front of her, remembering nights when her grandmother told her about this story. 

 

Yongsun was looking at the droplets sliding down the window glass, as the trees branches waved at her from outside. Her mind replaying in a foggy mirth of the past.

 

She couldn't help but put herself in Orihime’s shoes. Despite the circumstances of why and how they lost their lovers. Orihime and Hikiboshi neglected their duties in heaven, even when warned they continued to ignore them. Until it was too late. For Solar, she had no deity to blame who took away her beloved. She only had herself to blame. She also didn't have a deity who could call on a thousand black and white crows that could make a bridge for her to Byul. She knew very well how much it hurt to be able to be with someone she love. She knew how it slowly chipped away to long for that someone you can't touch, hug, comfort or apologize to.

 

“Unnie? That night you had an accident. Do you remember anything?” Miru sat opposite from her looking at her, her eyes were hazy and at the same time showed clarity. Her tone changed into a small voice. “You kept crying ‘Byul-ah.’”

 

“What?” Yong stuttered.

 

Wheein knew that look. This wasn't going to be a good night. She reached over to hold the eldests hand for comfort. “Do you want to talk about it unnie?”

 

The eldest bit the side of her cheek, unsure how to answer. 

 

Hyejin wrapped her arms around Yongsun’s waist.

 

Wheein wanted to wrap her arms around Yongsun, knowing it's hard for her unnie to talk about this. But watching this older woman the past few days was obvious that she would never truly be happy if she was left in the dark. Kim Yongsun the bright, warm and happy woman that was glowing with radiance was now so far away. She laughed so much less, her smile was strained and her beautiful brown eyes looked unfocused and void, always looking far off. She finally understood why during the hectic drive to get Yongsun medical treatment. The eldests tears kept falling freely as she kept mumbling Byul’s name with a heart wrenching tone. Finally realizing in full view how much her friend was suffering, she felt guilty. How long was her unnie like this? How could she have not pushed to rekindle their friendship when it was obvious that something was wrong years ago?

 

Hyejin felt the same way, about how much each of them had been so wrapped up in themselves and their own problems that they didn't see Kim Yongsun or Moon Byulyi’s struggles. She was distraught and filled with guilt when she found out how the rapper copped when they disbanded. She was disgusted herself. How could she have called herself “great friends” with them all this years without even trying to reach out to them?

 

Wanting to set things right Wheein with Hyejin talked to Miru about telling Solar everything they knew about Byul when they sat in the clinic waiting room, surrounded by smell of disinfectant. 

 

They were quiet for awhile, giving the eldest her time. Wheein stayed glued to her spot squeezing her hand. 

 

Miru added more wood to the fire and picked up her guitar, strumming to a slow beat song. Seeing Yongsuns lips quiver and eyes unfocused, she wanted to calm her down with a soothing rhythm.

 

The eldest looked at the three women who waited for her answer, they all looked worried and concerned. May  
be it was the alcohol but her mind wasn't processing anything the moment Moon Byulyi’s name was mentioned. She knows she's being petty and unreasonable, but maybe it's because she never really gave herself time to grieve. But really she should stop making excuses. She knows why she's like this, she still loves Moonbyul and lives with the regret of the choices she made. The question still floated in the air. They were just worried and wanted to help her. Would they really begin to understand what she's going through? Would they just pity her? She bit her cheek. Why is she doubting her friends? She's known Wheein for so long, Miru she hasn't known that long, but she knows she isn't the type to judge. So she bites the bullet and tells her tale of the dream she had.

 

Solar internally congratulates herself for not falling into a crying mess. They were once again quiet. The only noise was from the rain pelting the window, and the howling of the wind. She doesn't know how long they were quiet but Miru played about ten songs now.

 

“Are we grilling chicken?” Hyejin asked, voice raspy and sounding half asleep. Making the others laugh, uplifting the mood.

 

Thanks Hyejin they started talking about fun and cheerful things.

 

Wheein looked out the window, and it was still raining. Remembering the rabbits and parrots outside she grew worried. “Wait, if it's this cold inside what about the bunnies and birds outside?”

 

“Don't worry, their shelters are well made and they have a heater. Unless you think we leave them to freeze during winter then defrost them in the spring.” Miru answered prompting them all to laugh.

 

The eldest yawned and stretched. It was already past midnight and she knew they all needed rest for the trip tomorrow.

 

“Do you really have to go back Unnie?” Hyejin asked with a buzzed edge to her voice.

 

“I promised my mom, it'll just be a few days. After that I'll head back to Seoul and see how the trainees are doing.” The eldest replied.

 

“What’re you doing after that?” Wheein looked at her with her brown orbs.

 

She hadn't really thought that far. She planned to meet her parents, talk to her mom to stop trying to set her up with someone she barely knew. It was getting annoying to wake up to a text every morning about how she met a friends handsome son, or how she's at the age where she should be thinking of settling down with someone. She could go back to work, maybe? “I honestly don't know. I was thinking of cutting my vacation short and go back to work.”

 

“You're not serious.” Hyein deadpanned.

 

“Why don't we go for a vacation in Europe?” Jung suggested happily. All too happily Yongsun thought.

 

Gears started turning in Hyejin’s mind at the suggestion. “Let's go to Switzerland!”

 

It took awhile but they successfully succeeded in convincing the oldest. After discussing their plans, it was decided that Hyejin and Wheein were also going home to Korea to visit family in Jeonju. Hyejin was going to go back to Seoul first after a few days to check on her business. Solar was going to stay with her parents for a week, as her mother insisted. Wheein decided she was going to follow Hyejin when they finished visiting. Miru was going ahead to Switzerland for reasons she only said ‘I'll be meeting a cute friend.’

 

It was still raining the following morning, it was fine, almost invisible Autumn rain unlike the previous night’s downpour. You knew it was raining only because of the ripples on the puddles and the sound of dripping from the roof. There was a milky white mist away, and the surrounding woods and hills began to emerge from the kitchen window where the three younger woman sat. Discussing further their plans to get Yongsun and Byulyi to meet on their trip to Switzerland.

 

“Let's make this operation as cheesy and cliché as possible!” Wheein put her hand in the middle, hair still a mess while sporting a smile that was contagious as her comrades added their hands on top of Wheein’s.

 

“Let's make operation Stupid-Unnies-Rendezvous a success!” Hyejin smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I know this was a boring chapter, it was more of a filler. But eh, I wasn't really sure what to do at first but somehow it all worked out in the end. I hope it wasn't too vague though. 
> 
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> I'm sorry. I know the pacing is slow, and pretty boring.. but eh..
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> Next chapter! Wheesa moments for sure but that's just about what I think of right now.
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> Again, thank you very much for reading :)


	7. Driver Wanted

It's been a mix of freezing rain and slight snow in Jeonju since Wheein and Hyejin got back. Both families decided they would throw a homecoming party for the two at the Ahn’s residence. It was a fun night, they both had friends and family filled in with their visit to Japan and their next adventure to Switzerland.

 

Taking a break from the party, Hyejin and Wheein went for a walk. They walked side by side reminiscing about their childhood as they went through familiar streets and shops.

 

Despite the cold they both settled down on two swing sets in a park they always played in. It's been years, the world had changed so much since their childhood innocence and they themselves had changed both being 26 now but the playground was still the same. Untouched by the ever changing city and people.

 

Hwasa looked beside her, Wheein was still the same yet different. She was still the hyper happy puppy she had grown up with. Independent and kind, loving and caring, but most importantly she still had that child like sparkle in her eyes that the youngest loved the most. 

 

“If there's something on my face then you should at least tell me and stop making fun of me.” Wheein stuck her tongue out, catching Hyejin’s smile.

 

“I just was just thinking about that time you fell in the pond.” She laughed and Wheein joined her. Hwasa had always thought the older girl looked best when she was smiling.

 

“You still remember that?” Wheein said still laughing.

 

“It's hard to when you pulled me in with you when I wouldn't stop laughing at you.”

 

They shared another quiet moment. It was nice how no matter how much they kept each other updated regularly they never ran out of things to say or talk about. But right now the thing in Hwasa’s mind was those words Miru had whispered to her in Haneda Airport. ‘Sorry for ruining your Japan date with Whee, but hey, you get to have her all by yourself in Jeonju right?’ The other girl retracted from the hug with a smug smile that Hyejin wanted to punch. Miru was right though, she had so many chances to tell Wheein but she never took them. She was so afraid of rejection. She was afraid of the one person who brought her so much joy and happiness to shun her away just because she couldn't suppress her gay.

 

“Hey.” The older girl pulled her out from her muddled mind. “What's wrong? You've been trying to intimidate that puddle with your glaring for awhile now.”

 

Hyejin just huffed, tying her conflicts down with an anchor to sink. “Have you ever been in love but you can't tell them how you feel?”

 

Wheein was taken aback by the sudden question. “I have.” she replied in a quiet quiet voice turning away from Hyejin’s gaze.

 

“It's scary though isn't it? Like a well. A dark opening in the earth, hidden in the grass. Nothing marked it's area, no fences, no signs. It's nothing but a hole, a mouth wide open with frightening depth. It's deep beyond measuring and crammed full of darkness. But then you jump in and just keep falling and falling, it's exhilarating and exciting, and it isn't so dark anymore. But then you get rejected and you hit the bottom. Like Aaaaahhhhh. Splat. Finished. Then the well caves from above and your buried in your own feelings.” said Hyejin, choosing her words with care.

 

Wheein was confused, this was the first time in all these years that the youngest said anything in depth about love. How amazing of a man was he who made Ahn Hyejin the embodiment of confidence question herself like this?

 

She felt tormented by strong feelings of envy. The feeling of being deeply in love with a woman only to find her in the arms of another man. Did she have a right to be jealous though? Hyejin wasn't hers, she knew that much. She felt envy for whoever had won over Ahn Hyejin’s heart. Regret for not telling Hyejin her own feelings. Resentment over her old self for never really asking about Hyejin’s view on orientation when they knew about the secrets their unnies had behind closed doors. Frustration and pity for about what she was about to say. She stood up from the swing and faced Hyejin. “You won't know until you do confess, right? Why don't you practice with me, tell me what you would tell him.” 

 

She found myself torn between telling her exactly how she felt about the situation, but she thought that she might never again having the opportunity to do so. Hwasa swallowed hard. This was her chance, she had was going to risk it, she was going to, she had to. She spent years dreaming,thinking, cultivating the idea of professing her love to the other woman. But her mind went blank and her heart raced. She looked up at Wheein.

 

She mentally punched herself and stood up, closing the distance between her and Wheein. Their faces was now inches apart. The other woman flinched but showed no signs of backing away. She could feel the puppies warm breaths on her lips. “You know when I was younger, I tried to keep all my feelings to myself. But now I found it harder because you kept growing prettier and if I keep to myself any longer I might explode into a billion peices of guts and blood.”

 

“That's a very graphic way to confess.” Jung cocked her head raising an eyebrow. “But I think he won't reject you,” she took a step back to gesture to her whole being. “No one can reject this.” Her voiced cracked slightly.

 

“Not even you?” Hyejin asked hopefully.

 

“Anyone with eyes can't reject you.” 

 

“I know I'm gorgeous.”

 

Wheein let herself smile a little. “I wouldn't say gorgeous. Your a little crazy, but a good kid, and honest, and you work hard and you can cook so that's a plus.”

 

Hyejin again closed the distance between them, visibly nervous “Since no one can reject me. Will you go out with me Jung Wheein?”

 

Wheein’s jaw hang law. Her feelings of drowning and sinking that were dragging her to the hell of hopelessness and envy suddenly took a one hundred eighty degree turn. Blood rushes to her face, her stomach fluttered. Her entire body feels warm and wonderful. 

 

“What? Me?” was all her frazzled brain could send to her voice box as her mouth spoke them.

 

Hyejin nodded slowly, smiling with a playful glint in her eyes. She reached out and touched her cheek with a gentleness that seemed to soothe her chaotic mind. “I need a driver. The pays lousy, hours are diabolical and the boss won't be able to keep her hands off you.”

 

Instead of giving an answer she hugged the younger girl and kissed her. She felt Hwasa’s heart beat as fast as hers.

 

They held hands returning to the Ahn’s residence, after texting the eldest about the corniest confession and how their happily corny together now. They didn't know how their friends and family would react but as long as they had each other, people who couldn't be happy for them just because of gender shouldn't be people in their lives. Despite being family, they both we're prepared for the outcome.

 

It was just before 8 A.M when she woke up. Yongsun was in her room reading the text she got from Wheein last night. She was very happy for them, specially for Hyejin as she was the one the maknae always ran to when she felt depressed or conflicted about her feelings. It's great the youngest finally found the courage to convey her feelings, better yet her feelings were reciprocated.

 

Despite all the years that went by her room was still as vacant as she left it. Her bed, desk, and bookshelf were unchanged from her high school days. The bookshelf lined with old books, the drawers full of pens and notebooks she’d used as a girl. The days when she never met Byul, or even imagined seeing the world as she did when she was with the hamster. 

 

The light penetrating her curtains and the smell of breakfast told her it was time to get up. It was cold and the outside of her window was dusted with white glittering snow. Energized by the good news from the two she padded to the bathroom, going through her morning routine.

 

Going down stairs she saw her father sitting on the sofa, reading a newspaper. He was lost in the papers, off into another world, but as soon as his youngest daughter kissed him on the side of the head with a ‘Good morning daddy’, he smiled brightly.

 

She then went to the kitchen to help her mother make coffee, omelets and toast. The fresh smell of coffee wafted deeper into the household. 

 

The family sat together on the dining table, as usual she had her toast with a thin spread of honey. Her mother explained, excitedly, about the new coffee beans she'd discovered, and the quality of the roast. She agreed, this coffee tasted really good, it wasn’t as bitter as she would have expected taking it black, it was brightly acidic and had a pleasurable aftertaste of burnt chocolate that left the pallette a subtle feel of lingering delight. After talking about coffee they moved to different topics, she told them about work, her trip to Japan and the plan with the maknaes to head to Switzerland next week.

 

“Yong, you remember our Japanese neighbor right?” Her mother inquired.

 

Solar internally groaned knowing where this conversation was going. “The Takahashi’s right?”

 

“I'm sure you remember their son Toru? You two played together a lot when you were younger and went to the same highschool together.” Her mother smiled.

 

Knew it. “Yes I do.” As she tried to recall they weren't that close. He was broad-shouldered, always kept his hair in a buzz cut, tanned and always carried himself in a decisive manner and was in the soccer team when they were younger.

 

“Well he's Yumi said he was coming home tomorrow, I think it would be wonderful if you two reconnected. Ever since you went of to Seoul you've never told us about a man you've liked, aside from that Eric Nam you went on a show with.” 

 

Solar bit the side of her cheek. “It's just that I've been really busy with work, I don't have time for relationships mom.”

 

She made the wrong move, her mother had started talking about how important it was to find someone who could share her happiness and burdens. Someone who would take care of her if she over worked herself as she wasn't getting younger herself. She needed to settle down, have kids and be happy. Not live in a small apartment all alone in the middle of a city that had dangers lurking all around, what if she was burglarized? Who would help her then? Her mother went on and on, her father wisely choosing to not intervene.

 

“I have someone I like.” Yongsun getting tired of her mothers talking blurted out.

 

“Oh? Why didn't you say so? What's he like? What kind of work does he do?” Her mother kept asking even more questions. Her father seemed genuinely curious too.

 

“It's complicated mom.” She managed to say.

 

Her mother gasped as if realizing the truth. “Is he married?”

 

“No. No. It's not like that.” She sighed exasperated.

 

“Well what kind of work does he do? How much does he earn? Where is he from?” her mother seemed to just continue with her barrage of questions.

 

She was quiet, as her parents looked at her expectantly. Contemplating to whether correct her mother, he's not a he, but a she. She considered coming out to her parents as she did with her sister back when she suddenly came over to her apartment and found her and Byul kissing on the couch. Her sister was shell shocked of course, but she had accepted her little sister as she was plus Byul had immediately won her over with her charms. But right now her sister is an entirely different person from her mother and father, how would they react? Would they disown her? She decided that maybe it was too early to give her parents a heart attack, and that there would be more time in the future. So instead she indulged her mother with basing all her answers on Moon Byulyi.

 

After breakfast and helping her mom clean the dishes she went out for some air. She walked the main street along their house and continued on until she found herself near the a train station and sat down on a bench. The sky was covered with a thin layer of clouds, not a patch of blue visible anywhere, though it did not look like rain or snow. There was a cold bite to the wind that would stir the loose dust of powdered snow on the ground and on roofs that made it look as if the air was dusted by sprinkles. The nearby branches of trees had no leaves just oddly shaped twisting thin branches that seemed to dance with the wind. Occasionally a small bird would land unsteadily on a branch, but soon gave up and fluttered away.

 

She spent over an hour watching, as almost every minute a line of train cars pulled up on the platform, disembarking hordes of people and hurriedly swallowed countless more. Her mind started to draw away from her earlier thoughts of several scenarios that could have or would have happened if she told her parents the truth. The view didn't soothe her conflicting mind, but the endless repeating pattern kept her distracted, and numbed her sense of time.

 

Unceasing crowds of people arrived out of nowhere, boarding and entering the trains to be carried off somewhere. She was moved by how many people actually existed in the world. How all these people have places to go and places to return to. She wondered if anyone would ever recognize her is she had worn her make up and took off her mask. She wondered to which concerts and what kind of groups their fans were into now. And what and where Moonbyul was doing now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really sure about how I feel about this chapter, my brain has been too tired to process as much so it's been hard for me to write the past few days. Couple that with the fact I'm starting to work two part time jobs is chaotic.
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> Sorry :c but thank you so much for reading!


	8. Memoir

A young woman sat in a small and cozy office. Inside the desk was a costume designed small sofa set it had chrome and white leather and a wooden cabinet. Ontop of the desk was a sort of steel desk light and a laptop. Audio components were set above the cabinet, and a large abstract painting that made copious use of primary colors hung on the wall. The window in the office was big and faced the beautiful green hills of Muren. The early December sunlight fell on the carpet on the floor. Gentle subdued sunlight. Behind the desk sat a man in his late fifties. There was something inscrutable about this man, Virgilio. She couldn't easily tell from his expression or tone of voice what he was thinking or feeling. He appeared to derive a good deal of keeping others guessing. Mentally, he was very quick, that was for certain. He was the type of doctor that did not engage in pointless intellectual display, but it was clear he had enormous amount of knowledge.

 

“Good I see your speaking ability has very much returned, but I'm afraid your voice will be as is.” He said checking through the notes in his hand. The speech therapist said smiling at the woman seated in front of his desk.

 

Thanking the doctor and for all his services she heads out of his office taking her coat and wearing a black scarf hiding the TEP on her neck.

 

Moon Byulyi, twenty nine years old and turning thirty was living in Muren, Switzerland. It's been about four months since her surgery for the tracheo oesophageal puncture or voice prosthesis and recovery has been going well. She's able to speak without much issues anymore but her tone of voice has been in a lower pitch than her normal one.

 

Yongsun dismissal of her plans of coming out was the second most major rejection she had, but it ranked first in intensity of pain. They had last talked on the 9th and as the days passed by there was no text or call from the Yongsun. It was the the first time she felt like her whole person was rejected completely, and the one who did it was the person she trusted and loved the most in the world. She was so close to her as if she had been an extension of her own body. Searching for reason, or logic behind Solar’s decision was beyond her. She was simply and utterly in shock. So much that she never thought she could recover. It felt like something inside her snapped and died. Wanting to escape the pain and betrayal and the memories of her, she left Korea to collaborate with Umbra on the 12th of April 2018. 

 

When she suddenly left Korea, her family moved to Seoul immediately and after her first few months in the States she was able to buy a small home for her family and they moved.

 

The younger artist had been a blast to work with, helping her cope with her heartbreak a little. And there was so much about the world she still didn't know. The States was a brand new place for her, so very different from the environment she’d grown up in. The scale of the city was overwhelming, the diversity of like was extraordinary. Miru had somehow helped her find her balance in this world, even introduced her to new female friends. They were all kind, caring, and drop dead gorgeous. Moonbyul wondered how this younger girl kept finding them. But as gorgeous as they were , they couldn't fit in the gaping hole inside her, the void that was in the shape of Kim Yongsun.

 

She always wanted to be able to talk to Yongsun again and longed for the good times, she missed her dearly. But she was too scared of being rejected again, so all she could do was write her letters only to burn or throw them away later.

 

Miru and her worked on their album for five months, collaborating with several artists. The official music videos and traveling around was what took their time the most but they had to cut it short as Byul’s voice got more strained and started to get hoarse. On September of 2018 Byul diagnosed with laryngeal cancer. She had started treatment immediately but her only choice was getting her voice box surgically removed. She remembers how well a horrendous pain lashed out at her, as her whole body was being wrung by gods hands himself. Her muscles snapped, her bones shrieked in agony, every cell in her body was in pain. After her body was lifeless she felt like she was dumped with ice cold water and tossed into the deepest darkest trench in the world. She was lost and confused. Losing her voice was her second death, all her life she did her best to take care of it. Without her singing who else would she be? Singing was her life. Singing was breathing for her. Who would she be without it? She fell deeper into depression and tried to end herself. It was her sister Seulgi who found her, wrist cut open on the bathtub, in the small family home in California.

 

On March of 2019 they finally released their album and Moon Byulyi did her last appearance to the media. They had kept her condition secret. Their family again sold everything they could and moved to Switzerland for Byul to recover better. With the help of their company, royalty payments they had lived comfortably there since. From the states to Switzerland she was transfixed by an odd sensation, physically and internally she was being completely transformed. Colors she had once seen appeared completely different, as of they were covered by a gray filter. For four months since they had moved, Moonbyul had lived at death's door. Only her exterior remained, but just barely. She had set up a tiny place to stay in, all by herself, on the dark rim of sadness deep inside her. A chaotic spot, teetering on the edge, one small step and she would plunge into the depth of the void. She wasn't afraid, all she thought was how easy it would be to fall in. 

 

But thanks to her family's unending support and countless visits from friends as well as therapy she slowly recovered from her depression. She was herself now, but at the same time she was not. She was Moon Byulyi, and not Moon Byulyi. She would still feel the pain of rejection from Kim Yongsun and the loss of her ability to sing. When she couldn't stand it, she distanced herself from her body, and from a nearby, painless spot, she observed herself enduring the agony. In that agony she always saw herself having a gaping hole, a dark mirth, a shape that was Kim Yongsun.

 

Thinking about Solar was always a loop. That always pushed her to find the older girl and get answers, she realized only after she had that faithful conversation with her father. Under a starry night on her birthday last year. She had just come out to her family and explained everything about Solar.

 

“After all these years, I think it's better just to forget about it. It was a long time ago, and it's sunk within the past.” She said as her mother and two sisters hugged her tightly fully accepting who she is.

 

Her father bent down to meet her eyes. “I think, that's dangerous my star.” He held her hand gently. “You can hide memories, but you can't erase the experiences and moments that produced them. If nothing else, you need to remember that. You can't erase the past, or change it. It would be like destroying yourself.” Moonbyul couldn't say anything and was engulfed in the warmth of her family who had fully accepted every flaw and broken pieces of her. She couldn't help but feel safe with them. When she was alone though, sometimes she longed for a girlfriend. She wanted someone to hold close, caress, inhale the scent of, and tell her that everything was going to be okay. Just like how Kim Yongsun comforted her when she was told to debut as a rapper and not as a singer. But when tried to conjure up the image of several women that Miru set her up with, and when she thought about embracing one, automatically Solar came to mind. She always appeared in her imagination. It always gave her a bittersweet feeling mixed with gloom. Why, even now, does it always have to be Yongsun? She had flatly rejected her. “Why can't you just make a quiet exit and leave me alone?” She would always think to herself. But she never went on dates, held a different woman's hand. It was futile, when she did try to it would always be her. And Moonbyul knew why. She still loved her even after all this time.

 

Finally looking at the her surroundings and taking it in she was amazed at how beautiful it was despite seeing it everyday. How the Alps touched the sky with its glittering snow covered top, and how the stunningly beautiful bright colored flowers danced with the chilly breeze. She was too invested in her thoughts and the scenery to take notice to a figure who was leaning against her car until she was hugged tightly and lifted off her feet then set down.

 

Moonbyul was surprised but happily embraced bacm realizing who the scent belonged to. “When did you get back? Didn't run away this time I hope.” She asked as she took a step back to examine her friend. She looked well and the same as usual.

 

“That was a one time thing. Plus I'm sure Sharon would have called you if I did.” the girl grinned.

 

“You could have told us we could have picked you up from the airport.” Moonbyul pet the smaller girl.

 

She shrugged. “I wanted to surprise you and you look better plus I did tell Yesol and Seulgi.” And put her hand out then motioned to the car.

 

“I do feel better. I see your cast is off, and I heard you had fun at the fansign.” She took out her keys, unlocked it and handed it to the younger girl. She settled in the passenger's seat putting on the seat belt, as she waited for Miru to get in the driver's seat.

 

“Oh?” The younger girl started the car. “Did you watch?” Moonbyul wondered why her tone was worried.

 

The eldest shook her head. “Sharon told me you had a lot of fun with Hani and Minhyuk, and that she got a migraine when you switched with someone after the show.”

 

Miru laughed relieved her manager didn't mention anything about Wheein, Hyejin and most specially Yongsun “It was just after the event though, not like I switched before it started.”

 

“Could've fooled me.”

 

“That was a one time thing.”

 

“You did it thrice.” Moonbyul deadpanned.

 

“Details. Details.” Miru groaned eyes focused on the road.

 

“You know Sharon said your easier to manage when your injured.” The hamster laughed.

 

“I might agree with that one if you treat me to breakfast.” Miru laughed with her.

 

They settled into a small bistro in a secluded part of the village. By was an expert on secluded, small bars and restaurants, before they ate, Miru has shared her trip back to Japan and making two new friends she refused to name. The older woman listened closely asking questions but the younger girl mostly gave vague answers when it came to the people she spent her off time with. After they had ordered it was Byul’s turn to talk about her experiences the past few weeks. She had continued her therapy sessions, as well as speech therapy, and meeting new people while working for the family restaurant. She also had plans of opening a small flower shop nearby to which the younger had approved. Finishing their deserts the younger girl had excused herself for business leaving Moonbyul alone in the cafe. She didn't mind but had to admit she was a little sad her friend couldn't stay with her longer, as she was family to them now. Though Miru did tell her she was coming back in a few days but leaving again.

 

She moved to a different table, next to the large plate glass window, ordered an espresso and sat back to watch the scene outside on the sun bathed street. Most of the people passing by were tourists that were couples. They all looked happy, on their way to find adventure, to someplace special where a delightful experience awaited them. As she watched, Byul’s mind grew still and tranquil. A quiet feeling, like a frozen tree on a windless night. But there was a little pain mixed in. Still, being able to feel pain was good she thought. Its when you can't even feel any pain anymore that you're in real trouble. She couldn't help thinking how nice it would be if Yongsun was with her. There was nothing she could do about that. She shifted in her chair and gulped down some ice water the waiter had poured for her as she waited for her coffee. Quiet sorrow as she thought more of the happy times she spent with Kim Yongsun. She closed her eyes and, as if floating in water drifted in that world of long gone happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wrote this first than the last chapter. Hopefully I can find more time to write for the next chapter.
> 
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> 
> Yong and Byul are finally going to meet, and 2YoungGirls want to make it as cliché as possible.
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> Thank you for taking time to read ;w;)/


	9. White Daffodils

Moonbyul was seated at a piano, a huge, brand-new grand piano, the white keys utterly white, the black keys utterly black. She was playing a sonata. An oversized score lay open on the music stand. Beside her stood a woman, dressed in a tight, subdued black dress, swiftly turning the pages for her with her beautifully crafted fingers. Her timing was impeccable. Her beautiful hair hang to her chest. She couldn't tell what color it was due to the scene appearing in white and black.

 

She had no idea who composed the sonata. It was a lengthy piece, though, with a score as thick as a phone book. The pages were filled with notes, literally covered in black. It was a challenging composition, with a complex structure, and required a superior technique. Despite this Byul instantly grasped the world expressed in the music, transforming vision into sound. Her ten practiced fingers raced over the keyboard with precision and grace. It was a dazzling, invigorating experience being able to decode this sea of enormous notes more quickly than anyone else, and instantaneously giving them form and substance. Absorbed in her playing she took note how the music had an ambitious, virtuoso structure, but at the same time beautifully introspective. It honestly and delicately expressed, in a full, tangible way what it meant to be alive. A crucial aspect of the world that could only be expressed through the medium of music. The adrenaline flowing through her tickled her spine with sheer joy being able to perform this music herself.

 

She was performing in a huge grand hall, the floor was smooth marble, the ceiling vaulted, with a lovely skylight in the middle. The audience, perhaps about fifty people, were seated on elegant chairs as they listened to her play. They were well dressed, refined, no doubt cultured individuals, but unable to seemingly appreciate her marvelous playing. As time passed, the clamor they made grew louder, even more grating. By now she could no longer hear the music she was playing. What she heard instead was amplified noise, the sounds of coughs, groans of discontent and whispers of mockery. Still her eyes remained glued to the score, her fingers racing over the keyboard as if under a trance. 

 

She had a sudden realization. The woman in black, turning the pages of the score for her, was wearing a familiar ring and bracelet. She gasped and felt a shudder run through her chest. She wanted to look up at the woman standing beside her. Could it be? Is it her? Byulyi ever so slowly followed the fingers up to her arm, her bicep, her neck when she could finally trace her sights on the womans face she woke up. 

 

Her body was covered in sweat, her heart beating. She laid there thinking about the meaning behind the dream. People’s lives were like a complex musical score. Filled with all sorts of cryptic writing. They seemed all so impossible to correctly interpret them, and even if you could, and be able to play them into their correct sounds, there’s no guarantee it would make people happy. The further her head thought about how unique and convoluted people’s lives were the closer she thought about how convoluted her own life was. Her thoughts then slowly drifted to the woman, she knew the lady in black was Solar. It was always her, but as to why she had a dream like that made her stare at the ceiling searching for answers. She sat up wiping herself with a towel and changing pajamas, it was December 21 2021 3:35 A.M. Moving the curtains from her window to the side, she saw someone sitting outside on the garden bench, head tilted up looking at the stars, breathing their cigarette deeply then puffing out a fine mist into the cold night.

 

Fixing her jacket and loosely wearing her blue converse, Byul slid open the glass door, immediately greeted with the cold air of December. Walking towards the bench with the satisfying crunch of snow under her feet, she looked up and stopped. The stars winked at her from the endless expanse of the black void. It drew you in, birthstone blue, molten gold, sequin silver twinkled and dazzled. All glitter in their heavenly finery. The ones furthest away, were outside the span of human comprehension. It always made Byul small, despite her name being one with them. There was so much to the world that no one knew about. It was vast, dark and scary, but she found it comforting. It was cloudless nights like this too where she would think that every person was connected everywhere under the same sky. Did Solar lookup the same skies like she did? Did she ever think that they were always connected under the same sky? Did she still think about her? 

 

“It’s a beautiful night.” Miru looked at the older girl still seated on the bench.

 

“Yeah, It’s been cloudy the past few weeks. It’s been awhile since I saw these many stars.” The skies never failed to amaze Moonbyul. She looked at the younger girl, who seemed to have ditched her cigarette while she was looking up at the sky. She frowned, remembering how the younger girl only had cancer sticks in between her lips when she was troubled or when contemplating on things. “Sharon would skin you if she found out about you smoking again.”

 

The younger girl shrugged, slid to the empty spot and motioned for the older girl to sit where she sat. “Well thankfully your not going to tell her. I was just thinking about Vega and Altair.” Miru looked up again at the sky.

 

Moonbyul smiled a little and looked past their wooden fence looking into the heavily forested area around them. “Hikiboshi and Orihime.” The woods always looked different at night. Everything had an unfamiliar slant to it. As if the daytime trees and flowers and stones had gone to bed and sent a slightly more ominous dark version of themselves to take their place. “You really like that story a lot. Makes me forget your actually twenty one and not a starry eyed fourteen year old girl.” She chuckled and the other girl laughed shaking her head. 

 

“Am I that easy to read?” she asked rhetorically and looked far off into the Milky Way. “If you could see your Orihime again what would you do?”

 

Taken back by the sudden question the hamster hummed thoughtfully. “I think I would be confused. That door has been shut for so long, for it to suddenly swing wide open, I would be lost, but happy and sad at the same time. Conflicted. I mean I avoided that door for so long. It’s not that I didn’t anticipate that, that door might open again, it’s just having these facts still jumble my mind.”

 

“Something is still stuck inside you.” Miru said quietly. “Something you can’t accept.”

 

The older girl nodded. “I don’t know how Yongsun has lived her life all this time, I don’t know why she said those words so long ago.” She bit her lip. “Honestly I want to hear her side of the story but at the same time I’m scared.” 

 

They sat in silence both lost in thought as the stars twinkled on uncaring of their conversation. Though they seemed to pity them, humans. They would have looked so fragile from where they watched. How many others did they see that were like them? Enamoured by their beauty as they looked up? How many others did they see who were lost as she was? How many others loved someone so deeply even after getting hurt by them, still longed to see them smile? 

 

“Sorry for the sudden question Nee-chan.” Miru said in a quiet voice, Moonbyul almost missed it.

 

“It’s okay. It’s freezing out here, want to head back inside?” She didn’t actually feel cold, the conversation had her numb. It wasn’t the bad kind but she couldn’t tell if it was good either.

 

“You go on ahead.”

 

Moonbyul stood up looking back once on the other girl and closed the glass door behind her, returning to her bed. She slept dreamless. 

 

The flight to Seoul to Zurich was about eleven hours straight. Leoni, their guide who was booked by Miru, was driving them to Murren from Zurich. Leoni was blonde and wore tight jeans and long-sleeved white T-shirt under a thick winter jacket. She looked about to be in her late twenties. She stood about five foot seven and a full face with a rosy complexion. Her hair was pulled back, and a black enamel bag and dangled from her shoulder. She had good posture while she drived and walked. She explained that Murren used to be only accessible by cable cart and that the roads were only recently added, she also described some less known tourist spots around Switzerland that didn't have too many people.

 

Hyejin listened to Leoni’s explanation, commenting and asking questions every now and then they were the only ones actually having a conversation as the their two companions were asleep. When they ran out of things to talk about Leoni focused back on the road and she took out her phone following up on recent news and updates from her business back in Korea. At one point Wheein shifted in her seat, leaning her head on her shoulder, finally coming to a rest there. Mouth closed, she was breathing quietly through her nose, the breath grazing her shoulder at regular beats. While looking down on her phone she noticed the strap of her bra through the collar of her black crew neck shirt, a thin, cream colored strap. She pictures the delicate fabric at the end of that strap. The soft brea--. She quickly googled images of puppies to derail her thoughts. Not that she was trying to imagine all this, but she couldn't help. It was hard enough having to see Wheein’s naked body back in Hakone, but now being a couple was even harder. As now she actually would be able to hold her and all her naked glory without worrying that she would get rejected. She stared at her girlfriend's chest, as she breathed. Hypnotized by the others breathing she soon fell asleep too.

 

Before Yongsun realized it she was being shaken awake by Leoni. The white Toyota Corolla they were in was parked near a small wooden cabin, she sat there for some time waiting for her mind to wake up and looked around from the warm confines of the car. Wheein was already outside poking around snow dusted bushes. Hyejin was still asleep in the back seat, sprawled. Solar examined her surroundings. The architecture of the cabin was the same one on Hakone, just that it was half the size. Maybe it was because Miru also owned this small retreat of logs. A vast expanse of trees surrounded the area. A gentle breeze rustled the pine needles as well as the spruce leaves, relieving some of the weight of the snow from them.

 

Yongsun glanced at her phone, December 21 2021 2:03 P.M displayed on her lock screen. It was Byul’s birthday tomorrow, back to her old antics, she scrolled around the internet in search of new news concerning the hamster. Finding none, she decided to leave a birthday message for Byul on her fan page. Wondering if Byul would ever see it. If she would ever see Moonbyul again.

 

Helping the three woman out with their things, and showing them around the small cabin Leoni stood at the door. “I imagine you're all jet-lagged, so I'll be leaving you to rest.” She said as she slung her bag over her shoulder. They had thanked her as she strode off through the snow slowly disappearing in the white snow covered hills.

 

When Wheein finished exploring around she came back to the cabin to find Yongsun and Hyejin near the fireplace asleep. Yongsun was in a fetal position and Hyejin was sprawled on the chair. She took several pictures of them in different angles before covering the two with blankets. Gently pushing Hyejin’s legs to the side, sat and took out her phone. Opening a conversation with her, Hyejin, Seulgi, Yesol and Miru in.

 

WheewheewheeAllTheWayToMarket: Touch down! We’re in the cabin in the woods.

YeSol-Not-Do-Re-Mi-Solar: That’s great unnie! Glad you guys made it safely.  
UmbraButNotYourBra: I’ll bring a chainsaw, better pick who’s going to die first.

YeSol-Not-Do-Re-Mi-Solar: Shouldn’t you be bringing a priest and holy water?

UmbraButNotYourBra: Wrong cabin in the woods.

NotRedVelvetsBear: Unnie, where’s our souvenirs? 

WheewheewheeAllTheWayToMarket: We brought your sister-in-law what more could you have wanted?

YeSol-Not-Do-Re-Mi-Solar: A lifetime supply of pocky.

WheewheewheeAllTheWayToMarket: Let me rephrase that. We brought your sister’s happiness.

UmbraButNotYourBrah: Fair enough.

NotRedVelvetsBear: Speaking of our sisters happiness. We have a slight change of plans, we’re taking Byul-nee on a drive tomorrow so we might come a little late. We’ll wake her up early and drive her around with mom and dad, to give more time for the others to prep the house. 

YeSol-Not-Do-Re-Mi-Solar: What are you planning to do for the meantime @WheewheehweeAllTheWayToMarket?

WheewheewheeAllTheWayToMarket: We were just planning to take it easy for most of the morning have a simple breakfast, walk around explore the place a little then have lunch in a cafe or something.

UmbraButNotYourBra: I can call Leoni to tour you guys around for awhile.

WheewheewheeAllTheWayToMarket: That would be great!

UmbraButNotYourBra: I’ll text you the deets later then.

WheewheewheeAllTheWayToMarket: Alright, I’ll be resting now.

YeSol-Not-Do-Re-Mi-Solar: Rest well unnie owo)/

UmbraButNotYourBra: Rest in peace owo)/

NotRedVelvetsBear: Rest in pieces owo)/

Laughing seeing their response Wheein pockets her phone and carefully snuggles close to Hyejin, thinking about several scenarios that could happen when the two finally meet. Worst case scenario would be that one of them runs away. She sighed breathing in Hyejin’s perfume drifting off to sleep.

 

Yongsun slept had slept like a log, until something licked her. Opening her eyes she was greeted by a border collie, with light blue and dark brown eyes. “Oh hello.” She said petting the dog who had extremely smooth and soft fur.

 

“Sorry Unnie.” Miru apologized from the door frame. “She gets excited with new people around.”

 

“It's okay.” She smiled at the dog. “Who's this?”

 

“Oh she's the cute friend I mentioned before. Her name’s Blitz I got her from the shelter a few days ago.” Miru said bringing groceries to the kitchen.

 

Yongsun tilted her head looking at Blitz. “That's a weird name for such a pretty girl.” She rubbed the dogs chin, who wagged her tail.

 

“She was found in an abandoned mill during a thunderstorm. Blitz in German is lightning.” The younger girl said from the kitchen.

 

Yongsun hummed in response hugging the dog. “It must have been scary for you.” Giving the dog more rubs she got up and stretched heading to the bathroom to brush and wash her face. After doing so she heads to the kitchen to help Miru prepare dinner. Looking out the window she wondered why it was still fairly light out. She knew the places where there was only a few hours of dark and was thinking it might have been the same now.

 

“What time is it?” She inquired.

 

The younger girl paused cutting mushrooms and checked her wrist watch. “7:04”

 

Yongsun squinted confused seeing how bright it still was outside. “Is it really this bright outside at night?”

 

“It's morning of Wednesday, December 22.”

 

“We slept through the whole night?” It was a rhetorical question, to which the younger girl had shrugged to.

 

Miru’s cooking was far better than the last time she had a taste of it. The dish had an amazing assortment of fried, pickled, boiled and roasted dishes using eggs, mackerel, fresh greens, eggplant, mushrooms, radishes, and sesame seeds. All done in what the younger girl had called Kyoto style.

 

Yongsun took note how the three younger girls acted during lunch as they ate. They seemed happy, more so than usual, but maybe because Miru didn't think what she cooked would turn out this good, Hyejin was always happy when it came to good food, Wheein was happy when Hyejin was happy, or that's what she thought. After lunch they got dressed, as Leoni arrived and was going to take them around. Their first stop was the local mountain climbing area, since Leoni had about four years of experience in the sport and said it was to gauge how well they were physically fit for the several hikes to come. Blitz and Miru stayed for a while saying she had something to do later.

 

They had just finished changing into their gears when Yongsun finally finished sending a birthday message for Byul. Their guide Leoni explained that the harness carries up to two tons and that it has to be just tight enough not to slip down the hips. They were fitted out with one of them and started to look like proper climbers. The colorful equipment comprised of a couple of ropes, harness, chalk bag, shoes, locking carabiners and a dozen or so quick-draws. Leoni also informed them that all equipment has been tested. She then took time to explain technical features as they headed to the cliff edge they were going to climb. The day was sunny but the chill still bit into their bones, good in a way. Pines, spruce and birch trees stood sprinkled with snow.

 

“Climbing must be fun” said Leoni, “so try never to make a serious face” she smiled.

 

On arrival, Nou their second guide, unrolled a mat and dropped the 60 meters rope on it. He started to check the whole length of it with his fingers. “Good climbers always check the rope before every climb. I used this rope 1000 times, and still, I check it. If you eat food and some bits drop on the rope, for instance, rats might start chewing it. We need to minimize the risk to the lowest level”. Around this beautiful location, they observed the ease with which other people were climbing, and felt safe.

 

They learnt how to use the belay plate, a device used to “slack”, or to feed rope, and to make it tight when a climber is leading, or in the jargon, “belaying”. He taught them how to secure the rope onto the harness with a double 8 knot, how to use the locking carabiners, and other useful tips on how to react once they were up there.

 

A freezing breeze made them shiver, a few loose tiny snow crystals rained on them as it was time to start. Yongsun and Leoni lead-climbed the route first, with another one of the instructors belaying as Nou led Wheein and Hyejin. Looking down made her legs shaky and her adrenaline pumped, it was exhilarating. They climbed while joking and making fun of each other, while the instructors attached the quick draws to the bolts screwed and cemented onto the rock and fixing the rope through the safety point, or anchor. The instructors did so to prepare the rope for their climb, and at the same time they drew their attention on how to find holes and gaps for good grips.

 

Wheein and Hyejin climbed and found it relatively easy to get grips and proceed to the top. Once the anchor was reached, Nou asked them to let go and lowered them one by one to the ground. Some people find this sport natural enough, especially if they do not feel scared at the first attempt. With Yongsun it was a different matter at times, she struggled to maintain the grip and to find gaps, some of the points were tricky and the tips of her fingers started to hurt. Her guide began to give her directions and advised to keep the rope in between her hands, to use the power from her feet and not only from the fingers, and it all became easier. Taking a break, she noticed the rock was flat and bare on the way up. The top is covered by trees and thick vegetation. 

 

When she made it to the top, the accomplishment was rewarding. The view is just spectacular. She was resting on limestone at only fifteen meters high in one of the most impressive karst formation she had ever seen, and the view of the village was breathtaking. Some birds flew over my head and rested on trees further away. She saw few cars, and how the tries seemed to reach for the tram line and those inside it. The sun was perfectly angled beside Allmendhubel’s peak.

 

Perhaps the hardest moment comes when it was the time to let go of the rock. You must learn to trust your equipment, and your belayer too. She knew it was safe and that she was in good hands, and still she couldn’t help but slightly worry when she saw the double 8 knot tighten under her weight. Leoni had made her stop at different levels to collect the quick draws. Once down, she congratulated her and collected the rope. 

 

“You must trust the gear,” the guide confirmed, “first timers normally feel scared, but once you learn to trust the gear, you forget fear.”

 

Yongsun looked up at the rock face they had just climbed. A child about seven years old was having the time of his life, his parents were cheering him as he reached a twenty meter goal before being lowered by his belayer. A middle-aged couple was being directed by guides on how to attempt their first climb. An independent couple in their 60s tried to find a free route to approach, not an easy task in a busy day. She was still high on the achievement and sent selfies and their group pictures to her older sister. Who immediately replied as they chatted for awhile.

 

Come 3:34 P.M, Byul was really starting to cry when they got back home to find a surprise party for her. She was deeply touched, everyone in the small village came and contributed to something, food, drinks, some even brought her presents. Suffering through those two years was worth it. She was alive, loved and cared for, and she felt it. It was overwhelming and the tears fell accompanied by thank yous.

 

An hour later, Seulgi’s phone went off with an alarm. She gestured Miru and Yesol that it was time. Turning her alarm off she sent a quick text on the group chat. Seulgi grabbed their oldest sister with Yesol while putting a blindfold on her. Miru went ahead to the backyard.

 

“W-wait what? What's going on?” Byul protested but let herself get dragged along. Thankfully she was wearing her scarf and her coat from earlier as when they stepped out of the house it was chilly.

 

“We want you to meet a cute friend.” Yesol answered her, carefully guiding her.

 

Byul could only groan. How many times did her family members try to set her up? “Look, I appre--.”

 

Seulgi cut her off. “Shh, you haven't even met her yet. You'll love her. I promise.”

 

The eldest sighed listening to the crunch of snow under their feet, getting slightly curious about who could they have brought this time. No doubt beautiful, someone stable, maybe a dolphin laugh? Wait, no. Ugh. Byul sighed knowing where her thoughts were going to a certain mochi.

 

Yongsun was walking around in a small park wedged between Hyejin and Wheein. Until Wheein’s phone rang and they left her to sit in a bench, alone, in the cold. She didn't want to sound like a bitch but ever since Wheein and Hyejin got together they've been too awfully sweet to each other leaving Yongsun in an awkward spot. Is that how they felt when she and Moon would do subtle things with the two watching? She sighed dropping the topic, it was nice to be alone for awhile, the cold breeze and the wonderful snowy scenery in front of her.

 

Yesol made Byul sit in the garden bench and removed her blindfold.

 

Byul never expected what she saw. A border collie with a bright red bow around her neck and beautiful brown and blue eyes stared at her expectantly wagging her tail. She was honestly expecting a woman, but that didn't mean this cute ball of her didn't make her happy.

“Unnie this is Blitz. Blitz this is unnie.” Yesol introduced them as Miru handed Byul her leash.

 

“Aww you got me a dog” Byul said as she bent down to hug the dog

 

“No it's actually a roomba we sculpted using fur.” Seulgi said in a monotone.

 

The dog barked still seated wagging even more as Byul the hamster retracted her hug. The younger three had explained how they got her from a shelter and trained the collie while she was away at work.

 

“Well that explains the doggie doo last week. But you were right, I do love her and she is cute.” Byul responded cupping the dogs face smiling widely. “Beautiful eyes too.”

 

“Maybe you’d like to change her name to, oh I don’t know, girlfriend?” Miru teased from behind the bench.

 

“Haha, funny.” Byul rolled her eyes and still smiling, a thing she learned from Yon--. She shook her head and and stood up. “We should head back inside.”

 

The eldest turned around as missing how Yesol nudged Miru who nudged Seulgi who dropped a bright blue handkerchief. “Chocolate fudge.” To which the dog turned to grabbed, as the leash snapped,and ran off with outside the backyard because somehow the fence gate was wide open.

 

“Hey! Wait!” Byul shouted running after the dog followed by Miru, Yesol and Seulgi.

 

At one point they seemed to have lost Blitz’s tracks, so they decided to separate. Miru went off to the business district, Seulgi to the flower shop and Yesol went back to check if maybe Blitz had come back home.

 

WheewheewheeAllTheWayToMarket: Orihime is by the River. I repeat Orihime is by the river.

 

Thicc&FatalLion: We’re by the lights. Over

 

YeSol-Not-Do-Re-Mi-Solar: The magpie is flying. Bear updates on your position?

 

NotRedVelvetsBear: Almost near the flowers. Over.

 

UmbraButNotYourBra: Miru here Hikiboshi is heading to the river. Six minutes tops.

 

WheewheewheeAllTheWayToMarket: I see the magpie, two minutes until Hikiboshi reaches Orihime.

 

Yongsun wondered why Blitz was in the park sitting on the bench beside her, wagging her tail, head tilted with a handkerchief in her mouth, looking at her. She looked around for awhile looking for Miru but she couldn't find her instead, she put an arm around the dog for comfort since she was feeling slightly lonely.

 

“Did you come to keep me company?” She pets her new found seatmate putting her jacket hoodie over her head. “Aren't you cold? How did you find me? Ah, this cold is making me crazy. I'm talking to a dog.” Solar laughs at herself. Just then lights from several parts of the park turned on making the area around the bushes lighten up. At first she thought it was starting to snow, but when the white stuff landed on her lap she realized it were white flower petals, white daffodil petals to be exact. It was like a dream, the shadows they made while they fell was hypnotic. How the last bits of orange-yellow-pink light from the sun filtered through the leaves of the trees while, coloring the falling petals momentarily as they slowly cascaded down to the floor the snow covered floor, some parts also a mix of yellow and orange.

 

“There you are.” An out of breath said from behind her, as the person approached. But seemingly stopped, taking notice of the lights and flower petals.

 

With her back to the stranger they seemed to have shared a quiet intimate moment.

 

WheewheewheeAllTheWayToMarket: Why the hell aren't they moving?

 

YeSol-Not-Do-Re-Mi-Solar: I'm not sure did they see a goblin or something?

 

Thicc&FatalLion: I'm going to scream, I swear if this doesn't go to plan.

 

NotRedVelvetsBear: I think their brains stopped? Do we que the music?

 

UmbraButNotYourBra: Wait let me try something.

 

Byul and Solar suddenly snapped out of their trance when a loud whistle came from somewhere to which Blitz ran towards.

 

“Wait!” Moonbyul sighed watching the collie run off. Gears in her head making the connection, Blitz a dog trained by her sisters specifically leading her to an isolated part in the park, with lights and flower petals, to this person. So this was the actual person they were talking about. She sighed and plopped down where the dog sat moments ago. Prompting the person's attention, letting her get full view of the persons face.

 

“Yong?”

 

“Byul?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well sorry I kinda ended in a cliff hanger there. I actually wrote this in one sitting, while I still have strength. I've been actually sick for the past few days and my fever hasn't helped with writing. So apologies if it ..well sucked. It's probably confusing and a mess like my head right now. Again I'm sorry ewe
> 
>  
> 
> I tried to make it cliché? I think.. maybe? I was still trying to be realistic though.. dunno how that went. As for using white daffodils, they symbolise a new beginning so eh.¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Hope that makes some sense.
> 
>  
> 
> Oh but hey, as promised they did meet. Huehuahuahuahahaha


	10. Melting

When the eldest finally realized who sat beside her, she looked as if she couldn't understand what was happening. Her shocked expression vanished, replaced by a worried look, then to confusion. She pulled her hood lower on her face and looked at the snow and the fleeting sunset colors on the snow.

 

Yongsun doesn't know how much they've sat in silence. Moon Byulyi is right beside her, the real one. It wasn't a dream this time. She was still slim, still tall. She was wearing a black coat with convertible collar, revealing slender white wrists, a light blue striped button down and dark blue chinos with a black and white striped scarf completing her look was a pair of worn black converse. When she looked down her long hair would fall over her face and would occasionally finger it back. It felt like Byul’s heart was drained, faded. The glow she used to give was gone.

 

Byulyi thought this person sitting beside her of a small, sunny spot, the special patch of sunlight you can only find in some remote, secluded place. It made her heart beat faster. She still looked beautiful, her features were basically the same as before, and by all standards, she was definitely still a beautiful woman. But like her something fundamentally profound had changed about this person she loved. Loves. It felt a part of this person was missing, a spark, she still felt warm but her energy was different.

 

Like a movie cliché their eyes met on the same time. As the gazed at each other. Byul’s face was a bit strained. Her lips quivered, as if a ripple had run through them, and one side of her mouth rose. A small dimple appeared on her right cheek, technically not a dimple, but a shallow depression that appeared as her face was filled with cheerful bitterness. Yongsun remembered this expression well, the expression that came to her face just before she voiced some sarcastic remark. But now she wasn't going to say something sarcastic. She was simply trying to a grasp the actual situation she was in. “Is that really you, Byulie?” She asked in a whisper, afraid that if she's too loud her seatmate might vanish in a puff of white petals.

 

“In the flesh,” Moonbyul replied.

 

Yongsun’s eyes narrowed, and gazed right at her.

 

“You look like you've seen a ghost.” Byul said. She meant it as a joke, thought it didn't come out sounding like one.

 

“You look the same but different.” Solar smiled. She noticed her voice was different, huskier and lower but sent chills down her spine nonetheless.

 

“Everyone who hasn't seen me in awhile says that.” Byul breathed out in a tone Solar couldn't decipher.

 

They sat comfortably despite the cold, the night creeping in closer, the petals have stopped raining now but the lights were still on. They took turns opening up about events in their lives, Byul however danced around the important facts about her depression and cancer. Telling her story only in bits and pieces. Yongsun never mentioned regretting that day but hinted that she was lonely. For hours they talked, hiding the pain from each other.

 

At one point Yongsun put her hands in her pocket to warm them, to find a small metal keychain. Without taking it out she knows it was the one she bought from Japan before they left. Why she bought it was still unknown to her, she just saw the small trinket and bought it, keeping it on her person since she was with her parents, and bringing it with her to Switzerland but she remembers leaving it over at Miru’s cabin, how did it end up in her coat? It wasn't there earlier. Wheein or Hyejin’s doing she thought. She smiles taking out by its ring she shows Byul. “It's your birthday today so as your present I'm giving you this.”

 

Byul warmly accepted the gift with a hug, pulling away she admires it. “It's pretty, I like it. Thank you unnie.” The longer she looked at it emotions of comfort, confused, lost, happy, ecstatic, bitter and in pain when she received the gift.

 

Talking together had melted a bit of the ice that were around both of them. They were quiet again until Byul broke it. “Did you know we were meeting today?”

 

Solar shook her head. “No, Hyejin and Wheein left me here to get coffee for us. How about you?”

 

The hamster chuckled. “I'm as surprised as you are, but I'm glad we did get to talk like this.” Something in her voice was unhappy despite the smile on her face.

 

Yongsun smiled and looked at the ground remembering her dream. “Byul?”

 

The hamster was still admiring the keychains intricate design. “Yeah?”

 

Yongsun had built her courage all this years. She's going to apologize here and now. She's going to tell her she still loves her and that she deeply regrets how much she hurt the younger girl. “Aren't you cold?” Nice. Great work Kim Yongsun. She internally smacks herself. Ugh

 

Byul raised her brow and shook her head. “Are you?” She took her phone out checking the time it was already a quarter to 8. “I'm used to the cold so I don't feel it that much.”

 

“Oh.” was the only thing the eldest could muster out sulking about how much of a coward she is being again. The same cowardice that made her lose Byul in the first place.

 

Continues their small talk Blitz suddenly pops out from the bushes blue handkerchief in her mouth, trotting with a wag towards them. Taking it as a sign to come home the two women walk together inches apart, in silence. Questions weighing in their heads, contemplating. They both want to ask something but the chose not to. Byul wanting to ask about why Yongsun said what she said. Yongsun wanting to ask for forgiveness for being a coward.

 

The eldest wasn't sure why, even though they had communicated well, it was like they were two people on the opposite shores of a raging river yelling to each other during a storm. She was so close to her, she could grab her hand and kiss her if she wanted to. But there was a giant gap between them, so huge that even all the magpies of the world gathered it wouldn't be enough to even let them touch.

 

The hamster was contemplating whether to just ask Yongsun straight out. She had half her face buried in her scarf. She felt happy to get to see her unnie again but she felt a pain in her chest. Yongsun was living a great life by the sound of her stories, she was enjoying her job as well, but her eyes were extremely lonely.

 

“They're coming back. Quick act normal.” Seulgi said squinting out the window.

 

When they reached the Moon residence, Hwasa was splayed on the floor trying to be a bear rug and Wheein was standing in a corner with a lampshade on her head. Yesol, Miru and Seulgi were playing UNO on the table with expressions, one would wear during a poker match. Her mom and dad were amused at the three while sipping their tea at intervals.

 

Moonbyul and Solar just stood by the door, processing what they were actually trying to pull. Getting bored of staying still Wheein removes the lampshade from her head and runs to hug Byul followed by Hyejin as they both greet her. After Byul introduced Yongsun to her parents and sisters they settled in. The youngest among the group explained everything to the two. Apparently even Byul’s parents were in the loop. Heck everyone in the party had known about the little project. They all sat together in the small circle sharing stories of their trip to Japan, the lives Hyejin and Wheein led so far, and that they were now together.

 

It was late and her parents had insisted that they just stay over and can head back to the cabin in the morning, even though the house had two guests rooms the four decided to sleep together in Byul’s room. It was pretty spacious, almost like the master bedroom. Her ceiling was colored pale aqua, and the walls were a cool shadow of blue. Beside her closet was a drawing, well it was more of a mural. A single girl sitting on a rooftop railing, gazing at the moon as the stars twinkled. Yongsun feeling faintly familiar with the art style. Byul had a bookcase and a large wardrobe, a big desk that took up half of the room filled sentimental knick knacks and figurines, autographed albums and a hamster cage right beside her computer monitor with a bouquet of lovely flowers in a vase she received earlier. Her was room was decorated with several pictures on the walls above her bed. Pictures of her childhood, highschool, family, famous western artists, singers and composers, but it mostly it was pictures of when they were still in MAMAMOO. Maybe Yongsun was imagining things but she saw several pictures of her and Byul together the most. It made her heart ache of course but happy at the same time.

 

After taking turns changing into borrowed pajamas they started going through Byul’s stuff. At one point Yongsun wondered why Moonbyul was still wearing a scarf indoors when it wasn't cold. When the two kids were satisfied they sat on the mattress playing with the hamsters. Byul had Blitz on her lap, rubbing her tummy. Thinking about how much she missed her friends dearly. She watched them quietly as she did feel slightly guilty for not keeping in touch with any of them. They quietly talked more through the night being careful not to wake anyone, when they did laugh they had to laugh in the pillow. But it was mostly Wheein covering Solar’s face with two pillows as she was the loudest one.

 

When they were finally tired it was already past 5 in the morning. Wheein and Hyejin were cuddling while Yongsun laid in the dark staring into the ceiling a foot away from Byul, replaying the events of day with her eyes closed. It was surreal. This morning she didn't even think she would get to see Moonbyul again let alone get to talk to her. Eventually her consciousness fades as sleep takes hold of her and brings her to dream about a world where she wasn’t a coward, where she never rejects Byul, where they lived happily together adopting two kids and having a dog and cat in a small town.

 

Moonbyul couldn't really sleep unless she was alone. Or that's what she tells herself, as she slips out of the room when the three were asleep. She knows its because it's the bitter sting Kim Yongsun stabs her unknowingly with. Was it really alright for her to have acted like nothing happened? Was it right to have invited the bane of her existence to her house and sleep next to her? Was it bad for her to want for things to go back to the way it used to be? No, of course not. Specially how she feels the bittersweet fluid flow through her when Solar smiles. How that smile still affected her, and how rejection is still an open wound to her, especially now that she was here. She tossed and turned trying to tame her mind. Remembering her therapists advice she imagines herself in a huge elevator, that slowly, silently carries her deeper underground, deeper into calm and peace. Finally all light and sound faded away. The only thing that remained was how Kim Yongsun still deeply affected her.

 

It was already past 2 in the afternoon when Byul was slowly pulled from sleep with the sound of a piano playing down stairs. She recognized the piece being La Campanella, the musical phrase was different a little slower, and somewhat carefree but nonetheless the emotions of the pianist resonated with the song. It must have been Yesol playing. She sat up stretching, surprised to find Seulgi on the floor reading a book.

 

“For someone who sleeps lightly, you were like a log Unnie.” Seulgi smiled looking up at her.

 

“You scared me.” The oldest breathed grasping her chest.

 

“I don't mean to pry, but how was your talk with Yongsun-unnie?”

 

Moonbyul was quiet for awhile, thinking about a proper response on how to verbalize her feelings. She told her everything about what they had talked about, her roller coaster of emotions as they talked, joked and sat together in comfortable suffocating silence. “What I really feel is hard to talk about, it's hard to express. If I put it into words, it sounds oversimplified. I can't explain it reasonably, or logically.” Byul finished slightly frowning, confused. “I'm not saying I'm not happy to see her. It's just there's,” un this palpable tension between us and,” unable to finish her sentence she just plops back down on the bed frustrated.

 

Her sister too hold of her hand and told her tenderly, “Being able to suddenly see her again, talk to her and learning all kinds of things at once has you shaken up. More than you realize. The natural flow of emotions you should have is obstructed, because there's a part of you who can't accept her.” Seulgi said the last parts softly.

 

Moonbyul thought about what her sister had just said it was almost the same as what Miru had told her and it was true, she may still love Yongsun but apart of her doesn't want to be subject to that pain she felt years ago. The shock was still there, the feeling of loss and isolation.

 

Seulgi’s expression turned serious. “Now that certain things have become clear to you, it may have the opposite effect. Making the missing pieces even more significant.”

 

Again this was true, learning about Yongsun and seeing her own loneliness and guilt compelled her to bash the giant brick wall that stood between them, at the same time she wanted to keep to herself. After everything that's happened Moonbyul had a hard time opening up to people, even to close friends, even to the one she kept longing for. She sighed. “I wonder if I've pried open a lid that I never should have.”

 

“Unnie we were the one who opened the lid and pushed you in. We feel bad for doing that, we really are,” Seulgi expression turned downcast. Byul immediately regretted saying what she had said and was going to apologize but her sister wasn't done talking so she kept quiet. “but we just want you to be happy or at least be able to close that chapter and move on.” That's why we did what we had to do. There be pushbacks for you two for awhile. But at least you've moved closer to solving it. That’s what's important. Keep going further, and I'm sure you'll discover the right pieces that fill the gaps. Just tell Yongsun unnie what's in your heart. I'm sure she'll tell you something important.”

 

“Do you happen to know about this ‘something important’?” After their little stunt the older woman couldn't help but be suspicious.

 

Seulgi didn't respond and flashed her a cryptic smile as she stood up heading to the door. “It's a hunch.”

 

With that Moonbyul again was lost in her thoughts, absorbing what her sister had told her. As she listened to the piano and her heart beat, the room felt alien space. Maybe that was because it was the guest room. A sudden memory played in her mind ‘You can hide memories, but you can't erase the experiences and moments that produced them. If nothing else, you need to remember that. You can't erase the past, or change it. It would be like destroying yourself..’ but instead of her father, it was Solar saying it holding a knife to Byul’s chest wearing the same clothes they wore when the oldest slashed her heart out. It felt as if the room itself had developed its own will. Just being there steadily drained away the ability to distinguish her own thoughts and reality.

 

On December 23rd in the evening Wheein, Hwasa and Solar went to eat dinner at the Moon family restaurant after the two younger women insisted in wanting to see Byul work, Yongsun had the same reasons but kept it to herself. When they did make it there, they find out Byul was actually working in the flower shop that day. After dinner they headed straight to the said shop, only again to find out that the hamster had left 30 minutes prior to their arrival. It dawned on Kim Yongsun that maybe Byul was avoiding her, despite their pleasant talks and joking on the evening of her birthday. She tried her best not to look hurt or disappointed and she managed but when she was left alone she spent the night of the 23rd drinking and crying in her room at the log cabin. Moonbyul seemed to be everywhere, everywhere Solar wasn't. 

 

It was December 24th in the afternoon and they were in the Moon residence again, helping to cook and decorate for a small Christmas Party. This morning she saw Byul playing with Blitz in the backyard. They both looked extremely happy, as if they were in their own special place. As she watched them Yongsun’s mind grew tranquil. A quiet feeling like a being frozen solid in the middle of the sea, despite the little pain mixed in. How nice it would be if they were still together. But again, there was nothing she could do about that, as she was the one who's fault it was.

 

Everytime she tried to talk to Byul she would be somewhere else or be too busy with another thing. The Moon residence wasn't actually a huge place but with how everything was going, it might has well been trying to find Moonbyul through the whole continent. When all preparations were done, Yongsun was exhausted, helping with the decorations and cooking was one thing, but looking for someone intent on avoiding you like a plague while outwardly looking sane was a different challenge. Right when she was starting to relax, she saw a figure right beside her that almost made her scream in surprise.

 

“Hi unnie,” Wheein giggled.

 

“You scared me.” She huffed.

 

“I got worried when you weren't around.” The younger smiled. “Plus you were being really sulky. I thought you might have went back to the cabin and drank all by yourself.”

 

Yongsun had told her about that night. How she still found her attractive from the first time they had met as trainees. How her eyes had lost some of its light. How she seemed to smile less. How she thinks the hamster was avoiding her. How happy, so content she had seemed playing with the collie and that she wasn't sure if she should really be here. Or if she could ever make her that happy.

 

Wheein listened intently, and didn't interrupt. Finally she spoke. “You know, Unnie, you need to hang on to her. No matter what. I really believe that, if you doubt yourself now and let her go, you might never ever have anyone else in your life.” She paused and suddenly perked up. “Not that your not attractive, bu--.”

 

“It's okay I understand your point.” she was right, she couldn't think of spending her life with anyone else than Moon Byulyi. “But I don't have any confidence.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because I have no sense of self. I have nothing to offer, ever since I ruined our relationship, I've felt like an empty vessel. I have a shape I guess, as a container, but there's nothing inside. I used to think I was the right person for her but I think the more we come closer the more I fear hurting her like I did then. And at that point I might never ever be able to see her again.” Solar said solemnly eyes focusing on her shoes.

 

Wheein placed a hand on her shoulder. “You need to have courage unnie, and be confident in yourself. Your valuable as a human being and your not empty at all. Your still our reliable, caring, kind, dolphin squealing unnie. Your not empty at all.”

 

“I appreciate you saying that.” Solar forced a smile. “I really do. But that was then. What about now? I'm already thirty but when I think about who I am, I'm confused or maybe more confused, than I ever been. I can't figure out what I should do. She's the only one I've felt this strongly about.” She sighed.

 

“Let's say you are an empty vessel. So what? What's wrong with that?” Wheein said slowly. “You're still a wonderful, attractive, caring and kind vessel. And really, does any anybody know who they are? So why not be a completely beautiful vessel? The kind people feel good about, the kind people want to trust.”

 

She understood what the younger girl was getting at. But whether or not it applied to her was another question.

 

“When you get to talk to her, tell her everything. Being honest and open is the best way to go. Tell her everything you're feeling.” 

 

Feeling even more exhausted Yongsun deflated. Her face buried into her palms leaning forward. “I'm scared, Wheein. If I do something wrong, or say something wrong, I'm scared it will wreck everything and our relationship will vanish forever.”

 

Wheein shook her head and hugged the eldest. “It's no different from composing. If your able to convey your feelings and emotions, little mistakes isn't going to ruin it all, or make it vanish. It might not be perfect, but the first step is finding inspiration, then writing down the lyrics. Imagine what kind of song then you give it actual rhythm and melody. Play and practice the whole song, breathe life into it.”

 

Yongsun digested this as Wheein left her satisfied with the look of determination in her eyes. Their two unnies are lost and confused, but everything was going to be okay. Wheein thought as she went to play with Hyejin on the piano.

 

It was after dinner and gift exchanging that Yongsun found herself alone on the porch gazing up at the stars twinkling above her, the random scattering of millions of stars. Some of them looked really big and distinct, like if she reached her hand out intently she could touch them. The whole thing was breathtaking. She started to look around her. The stars were like the trees in the forest, alive and breathing. And they were watching her. What she had done up till now, what she was going to do, they know it all. Nothing gets past their watchful eyes. As she sat there under the shining night sky, a violent fear takes hold of her. Her heart's pounding a mile a minute, and she can barely breathe. What if Byul never forgives her? What if she's already lost her chance? Forcing her breathing back to normal she tries to clear her mind before going inside. She was going to talk to Byul and even if she doesn't forgive her, she won't let go of her ever again. Like Wheein said, she has to hang on no matter what happens.

 

It was 2 A.M when Solar finally got close enough to Moonbyul to talk to her. Everyone was pretty drunk already so she asked the hamster if they could discuss something in private. To which Byul nodded and led her to her room entering first, sitting down on the edge of the bed looking at Solar as she closed the door.

 

“Byul-ah, I--” before Solar could continue Moonbyul held up a hand to stop her.

 

“Tell me if you have the urge to speak a sentence with emphasis, something like,” Byul glanced at the door raising her voice. “KIDS should LEARN that EAVESDROPPING is FROWNED UPON.”

 

Behind the door was the sound of several people not eavesdropping.

 

Satisfied Byul gave a smile to Yongsun as she stood up and faced her fixing the scarf she got as a gift earlier. “What did you want to talk about?” Byulyi’s cheeks were a little flushed and her breath smelled of vodka and wine.

 

Solar noted that no matter how many times she sees Byul she's still slim and beautiful. But there was something missing. Her lovely innocent smile. She still smiles from time to time, definitely a charming smile, but it's always limited somehow, a smile that never goes beyond the moment. A high, invisible wall surrounds her, holding people at arm's length. Realizing she had taken too much time staring at Byul she spoke. “In everybody's life there's a point of no return, and no matter how much we want to change the past we can't. I know I hurt you that day, but ever since then, when I cut you out of my life. My life stopped, and maybe yours too. I wounded your heart, a special wound that goes beyond the usual meaning of the term. I'm sorry for all that pain I've caused you Byul. I'm truly deeply sorry. I can't ask you to forgive me. And I know I should have apologized sooner. I know that very well. But I couldn't. I was too ashamed of myself.” Yongsun was crying now and but her lip hard contemplating whether to tell her the rest of what she had to say. “But I still love you. After all this time Moon Byulyi, you still hold my heart. I just want you to know how sorry I am and how much you still hold a special place in my heart.” Hot tears were falling from the eldest eyes and could only look down on the floor.

 

Moonbyul was quiet. Yongsun closed her eyes as the tears kept falling. She didn't open her eyes for anything, not when she hears an owl hooting, not when the rustling of branches filters through the room, not when something lands with a thud on the ground outside followed by muffled giggling. Not even when she senses Moonbyul moving from her spot a little. She could hear her heart thudding and her choked sobs with Byul’s breathing standing a foot away from her.

 

Byul gently reaches for her hand and leads her on the side of the bed to sit without saying a word. When Solar had calmed down enough the younger girl spoke. “That day, when we broke up. It felt like I was on the deck of a ship at night and was suddenly hurled into the ocean, all alone. The ship sails on, and I'm in the dark, freezing water, watching the lights on the deck fade into the distance. None of the passengers or crew know I've fallen overboard. There's nothing to cling to. I still have that fear, even now, that suddenly my very existence will be denied. The first time that happened was when I was asked to debut as a rapper, but when I fell overboard then. I had you, so I survived.” She started to give the fuller version of her story, removing her scarf to show the TEP, rolling her sleeves to reveal the giant scar on her wrist. The loneliness and the pain all coming out without filter. 

 

They both cried, Solar told her everything about herself too as she hugged Byul, “Truthfully, I rejected you because I'm a coward. I didn't have any confidence in myself as a lover. I was sure that no matter how much I loved you, it could never amount to as much as love as you gave me. Maybe that's why I was able to cut off so cruelly. I did it so sever my feelings for you. If I had a little more confidence and courage and no stupid pride, I would never have rejected you like that, no matter what the circumstances. But something was wrong with me back then. I know I did something truly terrible. And I'm truly sorry for it.” she whispered, her hands were warm where she held the hamsters back, the youngests cheek soft and wet as it pressed against her neck.

 

“I never tried to get contact with you or come back to Korea. Everything I see would remind me of--” Byul mumurmed cutting herself off. Her warm, damp breath brushed Solar’s ear.

 

Yongsun said nothing, only continued to hold her tightly against her. Their embrace would be visible through the large window. The younger women could be watching them taking pictures. Snoopy neighbors could be passing by and see them. But that didn't matter. They didn't care what others thought. She and Byul had to hold each other now, as much as they wanted. They had to let their skin touch, and drive away the long shadow cast by the past. This was, no doubt, why they had met in the first place.

 

They held each other for a long time, how long Moonbyul couldn't say. They didn't speak. Words were powerless now. Like a pair of dancers who stopped mid-step, they simply held each other quietly, giving themselves to the flow of time. Nothing came between their a bodies Byul’s breathes brushed the mochi’s neck. She shut her eye, letting the silence wash over them as she listened to Yongsun’s heartbeat. At one point Byulyi started to realize, hearts aren't connected through rapport alone. They’re also linked deeply through their wounds. Pain linked through pain, fragility to fragility. There was no silence without a cry of grief. No forgiveness without bloodshed. No acceptance without the passage of time of healing. Even if she did want to automatically forgive Yongsun her wounds would still be bleeding out. She needed time. “Unnie, thank you enough for being oblivious enough to blindly follow Hyejin and Wheein”, she said pulling back to look at Yongsun. “I can't tell you happy I am that we could finally talk like this.” She smiled unrestricted.

 

“I feel the same way. I feel like a great burden has been lifted, something that's been weighing me down forever. I'm not saying this solves everything, but it's been a huge relief.” Yongsun smiled warmly. A short silence followed. The sense of something still unspoken hung in the air. “There's something I’d like to ask you,” She spoke deciding to take the plunge.

 

Byul nodded placing her scarf back on, brushing her bangs from her face.

 

“I can't find the right words, exactly, but what,” Kim gestured to the minimal distance between them. “what are we or can we be…? I thought I should as you, instead of pointlessly brooding over it.” Her voice was unsure, but her eyes looked hopefully.

 

Byul didn't respond right away. “I see.” She stood up from where she was seated and stood in front of the window. The light from outside highlighting her features as she looked out. “You've been honest with me, so I’d like to be honest with you too. But can I have a little time before I respond?”

 

“Of course,” The oldest stood, giving Byul a hug from behind before leaving the hamster in her room. They both needed time to think. They had just opened themselves individually like they never had before.

 

Something surged, silently, like water inside her. Formless transparent something. Something she could touch, yet something that was also far away, out of reach. Pain struck her, as if gouging out her chest. She laid down on the bed, and closed her eyes. Her heart was racing and she took slow, deep breaths. As Byul inhaled, she suddenly noticed a cold, hard object near the center of her body, like a hard rock that remained frozen for years. This was the source of pain in her chest. She never knew until this moment that such a thing was inside her. But this pain is what she needed. From now on, she had to make that cold core melt, bit by bit. It might take time, but it was she had to do. But she knew her own body heat wasn't enough to melt that frozen soil. Moon Byulyi needed someone else's warmth. And that someone was Kim Yongsun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, ever feel like forgiving someone right of the bat but your scared for reasons you don't really know. Like you really want to. But the physical and emotional pain from the past just looms over your decision too much? I kinda wish I was a better writer and got that message out as to why Byul can't accept Yongsun with arms wide open despite how much she wants to. Dunno if it's just me but I felt physical pain writing this chapter. Probably just me ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
>  
> 
> Hopefully that makes up for the last chapters cliffhanger. Amazingly enough this chapter is pretty lengthy by my standards (owo)b Also I wish, I was able to actually give out a decent chapter with better details of what’s actually going through their heads but my brain is pretty fried right now, still kinda sick but I'm slowly recovering!
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you again for taking time to read c:


	11. A Flower Found

It's March 26 2022 and 276 days since she's seen Yongsun. They couldn't spend much time together before she left but they text and chat daily, chipping away pieces from Byul’s frozen core. She hasn't given Yongsun an answer yet but there was no rush, she enjoyed having her best friend back. It was 6:34 P.M in the afternoon and with the place starting to fill up so she decides to send a quick text informing Yongsun that she was going to be busy and that she wished her sweet dreams. She pocketed her phone drying glasses behind the counter watching Miru work over music sheets.

 

“Not to be rude, but I can't focus with you sighing over and over again.” her facial expression isn't out of the ordinary, as she screws the cap of her fountain pen and lays it on top of her new composition. “So what's up?”

 

Byul shakes her head, making two café-au-laits while the younger girl looks over what she wrote. She puts down the two coffee cups and leans against the bar taking a sip. A faint smile springs to her lips. “I feel like things are starting to change around me,” she says.

 

Miru asked raising an eyebrow curiously, sipping her own scalding drink. “How so?”

 

“I can't really explain it, but something's happening. The air pressure, the way sounds reverberate, the reflection of light, how bodies move, colors look so much more vibrant, even how I look,” she pauses. Looking for the right words. “It's all transforming, bit by bit. It's like a drop of morning dew slowly turning into a stream.” She looks straight at Miru. “When we were at the airport saying our last goodbyes, I wanted to tell Yongsunnie that I love her and that we could start again. I don't know if not telling her was right or not. But at the time I decided not to force myself to judge anything. If the flow is there, I figured I'd just let it carry me along where it wanted.” 

 

“If the flow is there, I figured I'd just let it carry me along where it wanted.” The younger girl repeated as and quickly writing it down earning a raised brow from the hamster. She looked smiling “Can I tell you what I think?”

 

“Go right ahead.”

 

“Your not alone, but you're terribly lonely. You want to go, to some place where there was no time. Then you won't be feeling like you have to keep catching up.” She cleared her throat.

 

The hamster thinks about it awhile, they both went quiet drinking their coffee. “You may be right,” the hamster says, “but how do you know that?”

 

“Because I'm doing the same thing.”

 

“Mulling over someone you love who lives several hours away from you, thinking whether you did the right thing or not?” Byul smirked. Even in a serious conversation the two could always joke around, that made whatever heavy topic they were discussing lighter.

 

Miru scoffed with a smile. “No, I'm thinking of what kind of panties I should buy for my non existent lover.” They both had a laugh then the younger girl cleared her throat. “But I think the flow is what you really want to happen. It's time you go see her.”

 

Byul nodded looking at the bottom of her cup. The place was starting to fill up with tourists back from their adventures. She went back to work as Miru started playing the piano but never sang. As the night continued, people started to dissipate Miru kept playing, but this time her music changed. It was a quiet, sorrowful peice that began with a slow, memorable theme played out in single notes, then proceeded into a series of tranquil variations. It was the first time Byul heard it, was this the song she was just working on? 

 

The more she listened to the piano, the more she kept think of Yongsun. She's most likely asleep now. Yongsun will be waking up to a Saturday and she won't have work. The hamster imagines her alone in her apartment. She does the laundry, cooks, cleans, goes out shopping. Each scene flashing in her imagination. The more she imagines the more she found to sit there. She wanted to turn into a dauntless bird and fly out of the restaurant, zoom over the mountains, glide over the seas, reach her destination outside of the older girls apartment and gaze at her forever. Home sweet home, she would say. But wait, she is home. She's with her family. This is her home. But why does she suddenly feel homesick thinking about Yongsun? Miru finished playing, and Byul approached her.

 

“How was it?” She looked up at the older woman.

 

“It was beautiful. How should I put it? It had a calm sadness, it was sentimental but not overemotional.”

 

The younger girl nodded digesting her words. “Like standing in a long distant shore?”

 

The hamster nodded then sat beside her looking at the music score seeing no name of the piece. “What's the title?” 

 

“Homesick.”

 

As Byul laid in her bed that night she closed her eyes and thought about the last piece the younger girl played earlier. A picture of Yongsun, welled up in her mind performing the piece. The Shigeru Kawai grand piano in the RBW recording room, that was always perfectly tuned. The afternoon light filtered through the window. Shadows cast outside by the building, cars, trees and people. The cream lace curtain wavering in the breeze. Bottles of water and juice on top of the piano. Yongsun's light brown hair, neatly braided, her expression intent as she gazed at the score. Her ten long, lovely fingers dancing on the keys. Her legs, as they precisely pressed on the pedals possessed a hidden strength. Her calves were like glazed porcelain, white and smooth. Memories steadily swimming back, but to a different tone, she knew why she felt homesick now. Her home was in the shape of Kim Yongsun. Melancholy and homesickness embraced her as she drifted off to sleep.

 

The hands of the clock had passed ten, and the late morning light jabbed into her eyeballs. A motorcycle tearing down the street front filled her room with the groaning of its engine. Seeing the time she panicked sitting up on the bed. But remembering today was a Saturday she laughed at herself and relaxed back into the bed. She didn't have any plans today aside from visiting Bae Joohyun who invited her outside of the city later in the afternoon, because Seulgi was out of town and that she had been feeling terribly lonely without her. They've become great friends since the trip with them in Hakone. As habit would have she grabbed her phone and messaged, Byul the younger girl had said that she wasn't going to be able to call or text for reasons she didn't specify. Frowning and disappointed she got up and made herself hot coffee and forced a few cups into her stomach. 

 

With her brain fully awake thanks to the coffee she took a hot shower. Wiping the fog from the mirror she examined her naked reflection. While gazing at herself she thought about Moon Byulyi. She had not been intending to think about the hamster, but once the thoughts began, she couldn't stop them. Their first intimate experience. The two of them took a summer trip and ended up sleeping together when a small double was the only size bed the hotel could offer. Not that they were unused to sleeping together, but things seemed to have just happened as so. They found themselves touching each other all over. Neither had an any experience touching another woman. Byul’s palm was caressing the curve of her waist. At first the oldest just laughed as if she was being tickled, dolphin tone and all, but as soon as her laughter stopped, her breathing changed. Solar felt some small, deep part of her growing hot. She shook her head and wore her bathrobe heading back to her bed. Staring at the ceiling.

 

On the bed, her mind continued to trace these graphic memories. Byul wasn't exactly curvaceous but instead could be described as athletic and was covered in lean and lithe muscle. Not to say that she wasn't without her charms, she did have curves in the right places. Yongsun knew when Byul’s nipples suddenly became erect. And her own did the same. The images came one after another with great vividness. The summer night, the narrow bed, the faint smell of perspiration. The words they spoke. The feelings that would not take the form of words. Reliving these feelings brought frustrated longing into the surface, and she swam in it. With nothing but a bathrobe on she spent the rest of her morning in bed, staring at the ceiling.

 

Her brain was much clearer by two o'clock, thanks to the nap and coffee. After freshening up, she wore a small white cardigan over a blue-gray short sleeved dress and a pair of Saint Laurent heels. Finishing her look were a pair of ruby earrings Byul gave her before she left Switzerland and a La Bagagerie purse. Checking her reflection one last time she leaves her apartment heading towards the subway station.

 

It was a clear, pleasant Saturday afternoon on the 29th of March. There was a chill in the early spring breeze, a reminder of how easily the seasons can turn backward. When the train came she boarded it. There were few passengers on the weekend rapid-service train, which went all the way to the mountains of Namyangju. Yongsun sat beside the window, silently watching the city scape pass, slowly the scenery changed from the usual residential, to more flat grassed land. She sent a text to Byul letting her know of her plans for the day then another text to Irene letting her know she was on the way, she also sent a text to Wheein and Hyejin asking them how they were.

 

At one point she fell asleep to the monotonous sound of the train. When the swaying of the train woke her, they were slowing down for a stop at a station, no more than 20 minutes out of Seoul. At the station, a group of elderly people dressed in hiking gear got on. There were ten of them altogether, five men and five women in their late sixties and early seventies. They carried backpacks and wore hats chattering away like school children. All carried water bottles, some strapped to their waists other strapped into their backpack pockets. Yongsun wondered if she could ever possibly reach that age with such a sense of enjoyment. She imagined herself at their age standing proudly on some mountaintop, drinking from a water bottle with Byul beside her. The hills retained the brilliance of evergreens. The smell of air was different. Yongsun realized as the train doors opened at each new station, and the sounds were subtly different. Fields lay by the tracks, and farmhouses increased in number. Pickup trucks seemed to outnumber sedans.

 

Finally, after five stops on a single track section of the line, she got off. The small station was an old wooden building. Five other passengers got off with her, but no one got on. People from the city came to Namyangju to breathe the clean air on the mountain trails, not to see a performance of a famous idol group or to a disco with a wild reputation or visit a French restaurant. That much was obvious from the clothing of the passengers who left the train here, a huge difference to the dress she wore.

 

There were virtually no shops by the station, and no people. There was, however, one taxi parked there. It probably showed up whenever the train was scheduled to arrive. She tapped on the window, and the rear door opened. She ducked inside, closed the door and told the driver briefly where she wanted to go, and he nodded in response. The taxi’s radio was tuned to a classical FM broadcast. Mariage D'amoure by Paul de Senneville was playing through the cars speakers, it was the ideal music in such a wonderful landscape. The middle-aged driver didn’t seemed to be listening closely. Eyes, closed she listened to the music, allowing the lovely unison of harmonic and melodic rhythm sink into her brain. Just then it occurred to her that the sound quality was too good for a radio in a taxi cab. Despite the rather low volume at which it was playing, the sound had true depth, and the overtones were clearly audible. She opened her eyes and leaned forward to study the dashboard stereo. The jet-black device shone with a proud gloss. She couldn’t make out the brand name, but it was obviously high end, with lots of knobs and switches, the red numerals of the station readout clear against the black panel. This wasn’t the kind of stereo you expect to see in an ordinary cab, much less one out of the city.

 

She looked around at the cab’s interior. She had been too absorbed in the scenery to notice until now, but this was no ordinary taxi. The quality of the seat was evident, it was especially comfortable. Above all, it was quiet. The car probably had extra sound insulation to keep noise out, like a soundproof music studio. The driver probably owned his own cab. Many such owner-drivers would spare no expense on the upkeep of their cars. Moving only her eyes, Yongsun searched for the driver’s registration card, without success. This didn’t seem to be an illegal unlicensed cab, though, she sent Irene a text about the car and it’s license plate. It wouldn’t hurt to be on the cautious side. It had a standard taxi meter, which was ticking off the proper fare.

“What a nice car,” The woman said, speaking to the driver’s back. “So quiet. What kind is it?”

 

“Toyota Crown Royal Saloon,” the driver replied a little surprised.

 

“The music sounds great in here.”

 

“It’s a very quiet car. That’s the only reason I chose it. Toyota has some of the best sound-insulating technology in the world.”

 

Yongsun nodded and leaned back in her seat. The man didn’t seem malicious or out of the ordinary, nor did the driver’s way of speaking bothered her so she relaxed. “The stereo especially fine.”

 

“Decisiveness was the key when I bought it,” the driver said, with a little of boasting in his voice. “I have to spend so much time in here, I want the best sound available.” He smiled.

 

She smiled back and concentrated on the music as she looked out the window. Enamoured by nature was it was her hold on the scenery from winter to spring. She wasn’t in the taxi very long, but the route suddenly got tremendously complicated. They went up one steep hill and down another along a narrow farm road where it was barely enough to squeeze past vehicles. The number of curves and corners was beyond counting, but somehow seemed to match the Phantom of the Opera’s musical narrative. The taxi finally came to a stop after climbing a hill as what seemed to be the peak of a small hill beside Namyangju. Paying the driver with an extra tip she stared in awe of the house in front of her.

 

The grounds of the place were dominated by several large, old willow trees that towered over the surrounding stone wall and swayed soundlessly in the wind like lost souls. When Yongsun got out of the cab, she noticed a flock of little birds in the willows uppermost branches, barely weighing them down. A big cat was napping on the sun-splashed rood, its eyes half closed. The streets up here were narrow and crooked, and only a few cars seemed to come this way. The tall trees gave the quarter a gloomy feel, and time seemed to slow when you stepped inside the shadows they cast.

 

The house itself was designed in Western architecture. A block Mitsubishi Pajero and a large green Jaguar were parked in front of the house. The Pajero was shiny and new, but the Jaguar was an old model coated with white dust that it’s color was obscured. Yongsun pressed the button at the gate and waited as Irene came out to greet her in a hug. Joohyun was dressed casually, in a navy-blue windbreaker over a gray parka and blue jeans. It somewhat confused Solar as Irene was the one who suggested she wear something nice, but let it slide as the other girl lead her inside as they exchange pleasantries. After a few hours of talking and catching up, Yongsun let her eyes wander of the garden’s magnificent willow trees.

 

“Why don't I give you a tour of the house?” Irene smiled putting down an elegant cup filled with herbal tea.

 

Irene had given her a detailed explanation of every room and every picture or decor that was in the house, they were now outside after circling the garden. Bun, the female German shepherd, ran up to Irene as she wagged her tail and snorted happily. She bent down and patted her on the head a few times. Then Yongsun scratched her behind the ears. The dog seemed friendly but Irene explained that the dog was good natured, and smart, had a few odd habits but was trained to bark every time someone suspicious was around the vicinity. 

 

“What's her name?” Yongsun smiled, she truly loved animals.

 

“Spin.”

 

“Is it because she loves spinning?” Yong tilted her head still scratching the dog.

 

“Close but no. She loves spinach. And with the price of spinach as high as it's been that's no small expense” Joohyun sighed then smiled.

 

“I've never seen a German shepherd that liked spinach before.”

 

“She doesn't know she's a dog.” Irene shrugged.

 

“What does she think she is?” Yongsun finally stood up and looked at the other woman.

 

“Well, she seems to think she's a special being that transcends classification.” She said with a serious look.

 

Solar was quiet for some time. “Superdog?”

 

Irene laughed finally breaking her serious facade. “Maybe.”

 

They then proceeded past some willows in the direction of the hothouse, which was behind the in a sunny area without trees. While being led through the garden Solar let her eyes wander over the garden’s magnificence as how well it was kept and how it was landscaped around the willow trees. As impressive as the structure and interior was, the garden was also breathtaking, a testament to how much Irene and Seulgi spent no expense in their forever home together.

 

“Now, this is actually the highlight of our home.” Irene beamed then carefully opened the glass door just far enough for Yongsun to squeeze through without letting the butterflies escape. Irene slipped in after her, quickly shutting the door.

 

Spring had come inside the big, glass hothouse, completely and unreservedly. In the middle was a garden table surrounded by chairs. Flowers of all descriptions were blooming in profusion, but most of them were ordinary varieties that could just be seen anywhere, nevertheless looked beautiful. Potted gladiolus, anemone, daisies and several flowers that Solar couldn't name lined the shelves. Among those other flowers were rare orchids, rare roses and primary colored Polynesian blooms that Bae had explained and pointed to.

 

Aside from the flowers, the place was full of butterflies. It amazed Yongsun as she knew that to keep butterflies in a hothouse calls for a great deal of attention, knowledge, and effort. It was a calming place, she took some pictures of the butterflies and flowers and sent them to Byul.

 

“I'm sure you haven't seen this kind of butterfly,” Irene said looking at a small, white butterfly with a few crimson spots on its wings. “In Okinawa, you would have a trouble finding one of these. It gets its nourishment from only one type of flower. A special flower that only grows in the mountains of Okinawa. You have to bring the flower here and grow it first if you want to keep this butterfly in Korea. It's a lot of trouble. Not to mention the expense.” Irene’s voice had a touch of pride.

 

While she sat down on of the garden chairs, busy focusing on a the butterflies, amazed. She closed her eyes thinking of a hamster, wishing she would be here to enjoy the scene together. The sound of cups being placed on the table, made her turn her head towards the sound.

 

It was Moonbyul wearing an iced blue striped button up, a pair of skinny prussian blue jeans and the scarf she gave her on Christmas. Yongsun’s mouth was agape. Moonbyul’s figure sat down on the chair opposite of her and had a blank look looking at her. This has to be a dream, right? She should still be inside the hothouse with Irene, she didn't even hear her leave or the door open. She sat quietly staring at the figure who just looked back at her blankly.

 

Like someone rising to the surface of the sea from deep below, she takes a deep breathe and takes out her phone sending Byul a text message. A few moments pass and a familiar ringtone plays, not from her own phone but from the woman sitting across from her. Who let a triumphant smirk spread across her face.

 

“Byulie?” Solar asked still unsure.

 

The feeling of deja vu made the hamster smile even further. “In the flesh.”

 

“How? When? Why are yo--” Yongsun stopped when Byul lifted a finger to her own lips with a smile.

 

“Remember the last thing we talked about last time?” The hamster asked.

 

“You asked what I saw outside. Then I told you that I saw trees, the sky, and some clouds.” The eldest recalled that odd question.

 

Byul nodded still smiling. “Nothing out of the ordinary right?”

 

Yongsun hummed in agreement staring at Byul a little paranoid that she might suddenly evaporate and it was just another one of her dreams.

 

“But if you knew you might not be able to see it again tomorrow, everthing would suddenly become special and precious, wouldn't it? You would want to say something as a grand gesture.” Byul played with the edges of her scarf as she spoke. She truly wanted to tell her Yongsunnie how much she loved her when she was leaving to return to Korea months ago. Telling her through call, or video chat wouldn't be as impactful as she wanted, because Moon Byulyi was a romantic. Declaring your love personally would be the only way.

 

“Well yes,” Yongsun stared at Byul’s fingers. “I would. It seems like you've thought about a lot.”

 

“I have.”

 

“When did it start?” The older woman was definitely curious.

 

“When I fell in love again.” The hamster smiled looking into her eyes.

 

The mochi felt her cheeks slightly burning, the way Byul smiled at her made her feel refreshing. Like after someone sprinkled water in a tiny hollow outside in a summer day. “Your in love.”

 

“Yes. Her face and whole being are special and precious to me. I lost those twice.”

 

“Twice?” Yongsun had to think hard without anything coming to mind.

 

“The first was years ago, the second when she left on a plane.” Byul had a solemn look.

 

Solar’s heart thumped hard against her ribcage. Her face still blushing. “Does that explain all the metaphors you kept saying?” She remembered most of quotes that Byul sent her. ‘Absence extinguishes the minor passions and increases the great ones, as the wind blows out a candle and fans a fire’ or how ‘they were geographically challenged.’ or ‘the distance of heart was just as far away as an arm extended.’

 

Byul shrugged.

 

“We're not metaphors.” Solar smiled playfully challenging Byul, looking at the hamster’s right hand. Long, slim fingers, closely trimmed nails. Nails well cared for but unpolished.

 

The hamster nods. “I know but metaphors can reduce the distance.” she bent forward, stretched her hand, and laid it on Solar’s to which the older entangled their fingers together.

 

“Greasy.” Solar giggled. “But that's what I love about you.”

 

Byul smiled. A butterfly came fluttering along and landed on Yongsun's shoulder. The hothouse air was warm and humid and thick with the smell of plants. Hundreds of butterflies flitted in and out of sight like short-lived rainbows. A tranquil moment of silence followed. No sounds reached the sealed hothouse from the outside world as the butterfly slept on Solar’s shoulder. Content with holding hands, they had just smiled at each other. Byulyi had not considered herself a butterfly, but she definitely found her flower.

 

Author's Notes: 

 

Henlow it's me again :3

 

Pretty sure everyone at this point has realized romance is not my forte and I apologize for only being able to write clichés. It was supposed to be like trying to let go of someone to stumble back into your life. About a love once lost and now found, thus the title.

 

A big whoops on my part since I forgot to upload the final chapter here.. sorry

**Author's Note:**

> This AU was actually originally posted in asianfanfics, under the same user.


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